7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Gwen: D | Grade It Now!
Mary Kate, Ashley, and their Simon sandwich

On Monday, Ruthie tells her principal that Lucy has a learning disability. On Tuesday, Ruthie tells her that Simon is mute. On Wednesday, the story is that Matt has lived in his car since getting out of jail. On Thursday, RevCam's lost his job. On Friday, Ruthie brings it all home with the revelation that Annie drinks all day. "Do you feel sorry for me and my family? Good. Spread it around," she tells the principal. The only reason any of this stuff was funny is because it'll probably be true by next season.

RevCam "serenades" Annie in the kitchen. He still hasn't plugged in his electric guitar. RevCam, either buy an amp, or buy an acoustic, or -- best of all -- just shut up. Annie yells, "Are you gonna stop playing Ricky Nelson songs, and help me?" RevCam says no and keeps playing. Annie says, "No sex for you tonight." Just kidding. She should have, though. Eric puts down his guitar and explains that all the gossip has stressed him out and caused him to abuse his family's ears with his Nelson homages. He pretends to start helping StuporMom, but then there's a knock at the door and he happily runs to get it.

It's Grace Poole and her niece Pauline, who is played by the chick who played Jennifer on Square Pegs and the nun on Father Dowling Mysteries. RevCam calls Grace Poole "Mrs. Beeker" or something, and I wonder why the hell I've been calling her "Grace Poole" all this time. Then I go back to the second recap from last season and remember that Mr. Stupidhead dubbed her thusly. So screw it. That's her name. Grace says that Niece Pauline is a family counselor. She thought the Camdens could use her services. Pauline asks Eric and Annie if they've hugged yet today. "I think that a hug can solve all the trouble in the world -- famine, disease, war -- just give it a hug!" Pauline says. Eric asks if she learned that in hug class. Annie is all "thanks but no, thanks." RevCam points out that he himself is a family counselor. "A counselor who counsels himself has a fool for a patient," busts out Pauline. She hands him her card, and then she and Grace hit the road. Annie informs Eric that she's still going out with Robin that night. He says okay, because "that way the whole town can stop gossiping about Mary and start gossiping about her tart of a mother who's painting the town red with her old high-school boyfriend." I swear that's really what he said. Annie goes, "Did you just call me a TART?" But she says it in the supposed-to-be-funny way and not in the PISSED-off way I would have said it if my husband had tried that mess with me. She runs off. Eric smiles and quotes Pauline the Huggalizer as if he's not a big freaking jerk. Seriously -- I would have beat the crap out of him.

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7th Heaven




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