7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Gwen: D | Grade It Now!
Mary Kate, Ashley, and their Simon sandwich

The Nameless Bartender tells Matt that he still doesn't know anything about the runaway bride. Matt rants for a while, then asks why he can't get this chick off his mind. "She's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen?" the bartender offers. "Yes," says Matt. Shut up, Matt, you fricking stalker.

Katie and Chris gossip to Lucy outside their school. They heard that Mike tried to kill himself because his girlfriend moved to another country. What's with the international teenage love affairs on this show? Lucy tells the girls that she isn't "dating" Mike. That's not what they heard. Lucy doesn't want to be talked about. Katie and Chris tell her to pick another boyfriend, then, because Mike is "permagossip." Permagossip -- that's actually pretty good.

Meanwhile, Luke's hassling Simon about making a move on the Murphy girls. What do you know? Here they come. Simon says he's been waiting for the right moment. Luke shoves him into the twins' path. Simon starts, "Hi, I was wondering..." and the Olsen/Murphy with the shorter hair tells him, "Yeah, we'll go out with you." The children quickly make plans to meet for their double date at the Promenade, at six. The Murphy girls will be with a group of friends, because their parents prefer it that way. They walk off and I say, "Score." Then Luke says, "Score." Then Simon says, "Double score!" Shut up, you two. It's only cool when I say it.

Lucy is still lollygagging around campus when she runs into Mike. He asks what time he should pick her up for the dance that night. She lies her ass off, claiming that an emergency came up and she can't go. Mike is really cool about it. What a jerk Lucy is. It's only natural, though. Her father is RevCam.

Robin shows up for his dinner with Annie. He misremembers Eric's name and then says "whatever" when corrected. The men make small talk. We learn that Robin wrote a self-help book called "L" is for Losers -- Don't Be One. He says his teachings are "based on brutal honesty and love. It's a lot like the Bible." Eric's ears perk up. Robin clarifies, "I'm not comparing myself to...who wrote the Bible?" Eric answers, "That would be God." Uh, yeah. I don't think that God actually wrote the Bible, but I don't play a minister on TV, so what do I know? Robin goes on, "If you come to me fat and unhappy, I'm not gonna cry and tell you it's all gonna be okay. I'm gonna say, 'Hey, fatso, get up off the couch, put down the chips, and do something.'" Well, why waste all that breath? Why not just print up some bumper stickers, Robin? Annie comes downstairs in a dress that's trying to show her cleavage. "Annster!" Robin yells. The happy couple leaves, and RevCam tells Happy that he hates Robin. Happy doesn't care.

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7th Heaven




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