7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | 2 USERS: C+
Thanks for Nothing

Back from commercial, Lucy is wheeled into the Glenoak Hospital with Matt calling out orders all the way, just like he saw them do it on ER. The nurses have matching aneurysms in their efforts not to laugh at his delusions of ability and importance.

Simon comes home to find Martin in the kitchen. They both ask each other what they're doing there, and then there's an awkward silence, because really, Simon and Martin don't like each other all that much. After all, Martin pretty much stole Simon's place in the family and then Simon stole Martin's girlfriend, who Martin actually stole from Simon first.

The nurses seem to think that Matt is Lucy's baby father. "Oh, gross," says Lucy. Matt says he isn't Lucy's husband. Red-haired nurse is all "that's okay. I have a nine-month-old and I'm getting married next month." Matt is too stunned by this admission of immorality to speak, choosing instead to step away from the sinner and move to the other side of the bed, where the nurses are virginally pure. Dr. Klein enters and Matt introduces himself, although there's no need to, as Dr. Klein already knows about him from all the bragging Lucy does at her appointments. Lucy would be one of those women who chats up her gynecologist during the examination, wouldn't she? Personally, I find that there's just never a better time to think and talk about my family than when some guy is sticking a big metal thing up my vagina. And now I'd like to apologize to anyone who read that. Dr. Klein asks Matt if he'd like to leave the room while he "examines" Lucy. I must say I'm surprised that Matt didn't insist on observing this valuable learning experience. Surprised and infinitely relieved, Lucy asks Matt to call Kevin, but he says he doesn't have his cell phone. And even if he did, he doesn't know how to use it anyway. A nurse tells Matt he can use a pay phone in the hall.

Matt leaves a message for Kevin at the police station. The nurse comes outside and tells Matt he can come back in. Wow, that was like the quickest exam ever.

Back at the CamPound, the phone rings. Simon stares at it and yells for Martin because he apparently forgot how to answer a phone. And then he remembers, and picks up the phone to get yelled at by Ruthie for missing Thanksgiving last week. Simon asks her if everything's okay in Puerto Rico, and she says it is and hangs up on him. There's a knock on the door, and Georgia enters and starts trying to make out with Simon. The WHORE! asks if anyone is home, and Simon says it's just him, her, and Martin. Georgia says she wants to go shopping for maternity clothes, and Simon gets a little freaked out. He says he has no idea what they're supposed to do now and he wants to ask someone to find out. Georgia says they don't need anyone's help. Simon says he made an appointment for both of them at the Family Planning Center to get some advice, and maybe a few other things that start with "a," such as "abortion," followed by "a tubal ligation." Georgia yells that she doesn't want advice; she wants Simon to "step up." And how, exactly, is Simon not stepping up? I hate having to defend a Camden, but I think he's doing his fair share of supporting here.

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7th Heaven




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