...because we're now taken to Chandler and Kevin skulking about in the bushes for some reason. Even Kevin doesn't know, and he asks Chandler, and Chandler's all blaming this blatant eavesdropping on Kevin's suggestion that they take the garbage cans out to the street, which might be a little more believable if they, you know, HAD GARBAGE CANS. And Chandler says he thought Kevin was using code for "let's get out of the house and have a drink," and Kevin's all, "why do you think you need a drink?" And Chandler's resorting to drinking because of Roxanne's fight with the Marine at dinner, which couldn't have been all that traumatizing, since Roxanne's been making doe eyes at the Marine ever since he showed up. And then Chandler suggested a "shortcut around the house," since he thought it would get them to a drink faster, WHATEVER THE HELL THAT MEANS. Kevin points out that Chandler doesn't drink, "except for the occasional beer at the pool hall," which I hate to tell Kevin means that Chandler does in fact drink, and Chandler says that Vic makes him want a drink, and Kevin says that, if anything, Vic should make him not want to drink since he's a recovering alcoholic. "A recovering alcoholic who's with the woman I love!" says Chandler; he then asks Kevin if he thinks Paris will go back with him, and Kevin says he thinks they have a beer in the fridge. "Forget it, I don't need it. Alcohol's not the answer to anything," he says. I swear he says that. I know you think I'm paraphrasing and that we're supposed to be subtly reminded that people shouldn't turn to alcohol to solve their problems, but I swear to god he just said, "Alcohol's not the answer to anything." Public service announcement delivered, Kevin and Chandler scurry off to go have sex in the basement, which is the answer, such as I understand this show. Oh, but before they go? Chandler asks Kevin what Paris sees in Vic. "He's Peter's father," says Kevin, as if that's self-evident. Not, "He's funny." Not, "He's a nice guy." Not, "She's impressed that he's cleaned himself up." No. He's Peter's father. And therefore, she must stay with him, even if he's an obnoxious alcoholic.