7th Heaven
Healing Old Wounds

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
Soldier Boy

There's a chocolate cake on a coffeetable, but Chandler is nowhere to be found. Lucy and Cecilia are sitting there, so the screen fairly crackles with energy. The phone rings, and we do one of those annoying split-screen things that no other television show even bothers with anymore. It's Kevin, saying he'd hoped Lucy would answer the phone. Lucy doesn't even recognize her own husband's voice. "Who is this?" she says, and after we pointlessly have him tell her it's Kevin, we go through this whole thing where he's calling her from their apartment and suggestively saying that she should come home so that they can have some dessert. It takes Lucy WAY too long to figure out what he's driving at, and when she finally does, she says, "What about everyone else?" and he says, "Let them eat cake," which passes for wit. The fact that you know Brenda Hampton was immensely proud of that line makes it all the worse. So Lucy hangs up and tells Cecilia that Kevin needs her at home. "Something about a smoke detector," she says, all the while making that annoying how-obvious-is-it- that-I'm-lying face that you only see on television and suggests that Lucy thinks Tori Spelling is a fine, fine actress. Cecilia doesn't even say anything, and I'm really starting to wonder about the ability of Jessica's sister even to remember any lines.

Outside on the porch, Chandler jokingly (?) reminds Paris that he just inherited millions of dollars, "not that that matters," which makes me wonder why he even brought it up, and she points out that she likes him with or without the money, and he's disheartened by her use of the platonic verb "to like," and she blathers on about what a confusing time this has been for her and thanks him for being so generous to Vic (from what we've seen, he badmouths Vic behind his back, but "generosity," let's go with it, okay) and so nice to Peter and to her, and I thought they had this conversation two episodes ago already. It doesn't matter, because they're only out here so that Lucy can be "funny" some more and act really weird as she tells them that she has to go get something, like she needs an excuse to go to her own apartment. Whatever.

At the top of the stairs, Peter and Martin are joined by (oh god, no) Ruthie, who asks if anyone called "for dessert" yet, and they say no, and she asks if they "made up" yet, so I guess that good-natured game of Battleship had nastier consequences than it appeared, and when they say they have indeed made up, Ruthie wants to know why they look so disturbed, and Martin says, "It's because you can't keep yourself from looking at people off camera," or maybe he says it's his dad's last night here and they still have a lot to talk about, and there's that weird timeline again, where it seemed like the Marine just arrived that day, but he's been home three days. And Ruthie suggests that Martin go talk to him, which is a surprising amount of sense for Ruthie to make, and then she goes back upstairs because she left SamVid alone, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if those two didn't fall in the toilet and drown by this time. She drags Peter upstairs with her.

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7th Heaven




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