If you were hoping for a new and improved theme song, you'll be sadly disappointed, I'm afraid. It's still the same old stuff about their shiny faces, or Matt's greasy hair smiling down at you, or whatever they're wailing about. There is a delightful shot of Lucy's all-pleather outfit, though.
Oh, my. A bluesy rock song plays while Eric performs some kind of striptease-like dance while cleaning up the kitchen, though technically no clothing is shed. It doesn't matter, I'm still blind now. It's not like I find Stephen Collins repulsive or anything. I know someone who ran into him at LAX and said that he was really gracious and charming. But the thought of creepy stalker RevCam shimmying his way through his kitchen -- uh-oh, there goes lunch. There is a total close-up shot of him feeling up his ass, which is mostly covered by his shirt. Maybe during sweeps month the shirt will come off! Or maybe the WB could do some sort of fundraising stunt where, if they receive their pledge goal amount, the writers will promise never, ever to show any cast members bumping or grinding, ever again. Ever. SuperMom rolls her eyes and turns off RevCam's music. Darn! And just when it looked like he may have been about to fellate a broomstick. The CamRents discuss the Colonel's visit, and Annie claims it won't be so bad. Ho-ho, wouldn't it be absolutely hilarious if that were some ironic foreshadowing? A joke is made about Julie and Hank escaping to Chicago to avoid the Colonel. This episode's budget must be really small if they can't afford Ed Begley. SuperMom leaves, but not before making a big show out of moving the broom out of RevCam's reach; he goes after it anyway. We never get to see any hot man-on-broom action, though, because after all, this program is rated G. By the way, that doesn't stand for "good."
Ruthie is critiquing RevCam's tuna casserole dinner. She teaches him a Valuable Lesson about avoiding the embarrassing faux pas of serving up an all-beige meal. She has a point, but it's really all just a segue into another tense discussion between RevCam and the Colonel. Nosy Parker Sr. makes vaguely disparaging remarks about Annie going back to school. Finally Eric asks him outright, "Why are you here?" I can respect the direct approach, even though that's kind of a cold-blooded thing to say to your own father. The Colonel answers that question with a question: "Do I need a reason?" When RevCam answers in the affirmative, the Colonel just laughs at him and walks out of the kitchen. Okay, I guess I can respect that too.
Over at the pool hall, Matt and John are discussing their organic chemistry practice test. You know, this scene is so irritating, I can barely stand to describe it. We'll just get this over with quickly, okay? Dopey blames his troubles with Heather for distracting him from "doing [his] best work" at school. I regret to inform you that this "placing the blame" thing will be an ongoing theme for Dopey throughout the episode. The idea that someone thought this would be a good, funny premise for a subplot makes me so sad that I have to go lie down for a while. Poor John looks kind of sad, too, at the quality of some of the lines he has to deliver as Dopey's straight man. Mary comes to the table and pretty much begs the guys for a tip. Dopey's tip is that the Colonel is in town, and "the only thing worse than a lecture from [RevCam] is..." Mary finishes his sentence: "...A lecture from the Colonel." I beg to differ. I can think of way worse things than that. There's all of this week's subplots, for example. Like John fussing over Dopey's personal life. I've kind of given up hoping they'll ever give John a real plot of his own. Okay, if I dwell on that too long, I'll just get all sad again. Oh, and Mary? Matt's not the only one who's got a tip for you: Think about someone other than yourself once in a while, you rude git.