7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Cate: D | Grade It Now!

I didn't think they would come up with anything less plausible than Dopey's practice science test, but this time they've really gone that extra mile to prove me wrong. Simon is wasting paper by handing out flyers for Lucy's Homecoming Queen campaign. I know that's stupid, but it's not the silliest part. Two girls are checking him out, and they actually call him "cute," right to his face, and invite him to a party. And that's still not the silliest part. Simon claims that once people found it he was Lucy's sister, he attained instant popularity. Ha! I keep expecting this to be a dream sequence, but it's not.

Moving right along, it's time for another heart-to-heart chat between RevCam and the Colonel. It's all a retread of the same subject matter: waiting tables sucks and Mary needs to go to college. You know, there are people who make a pretty good living waiting tables -- some of whom make more money than I do at my dead-end day job that allegedly requires a degree. If I were a waiter, I'd be feeling pretty insulted right now at the way they keep saying that job means nothing. But I guess expecting sensitivity from 7th Heaven is asking way too much. The Colonel throws around some clich├ęs about fighting a battle, and the scene finally creaks to a close.

Oh, help. It's another tortured scene down at Dopey's Swingin' Bachelor Pad. Except I'm not sure how much longer I can call it that, since Matt and John keep behaving more and more like a fussy old married couple. John's still displaying an irritating over-interest in Dopey's organic chemistry situation. Matt's just returned from talking to his prof, who -- surprise! -- does not give a shit about Dopey's personal life. Some more passing the blame ensues, and there are a couple shots of Dopey drinking nervously from a can. I believe it's supposed to add to the hilarity somehow that he's losing his mind.

RevCam meets with Ruthie's school principal, who recommends that Ruthie enroll in something called the Eleanor Roosevelt School. He tries to play it off like Ruthie's actually a genius who would benefit from a private school environment, but I can't help but suspect the principal just doesn't want to deal with her, or her parents, anymore. RevCam expects the principal to just transfer Ruthie out of Miss Riddle's class, but I guess the principal's not under Eric's thumb like the cops and the insurance company, because he just makes some excuse and keeps up the sales pitch for the private school. RevCam contemplates. Hey, at least it would be a new environment from which Ruthie can annoy and irritate the viewers.

The girl who invited Simon to her party accosts him again in the hallway. She dreamily states her goal of becoming Homecoming Queen when she's a senior. Wow, that's a great goal! What a role model she is. It gets funnier when she starts beating Simon over the head with the fact that he is only popular because he's Lucy's brother. Simon just takes it, though, and asks her if there's anything he can bring to her happening party. "Yeah, your sister!" she enthuses before walking away giggling.

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7th Heaven




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