And we're at the mile-high Glenoak mall, where a line of baby-holding mothers and assorted children look pissed off. Finally, Matt, dressed in the dirtiest and shabbiest Santa suit ever, walks up and ho-ho-hos. Some midget in elf costume starts whining about how he wasn't allowed to be Santa because of his size, while Matt gets to be Santa even though he's obviously too young and probably has no experience. Matt says there's nothing to being Santa. The midget downs some product-placed Rolaids and bitches that Matt must have gotten this job "through connections." Yes, midget, life does suck like that. Unless you're a Camden.
The soup kitchen is bustling with homeless people, so RevCam throws his receding-hairline-concealing hat into the ring and volunteers to help. It's not long before he discovers the reason why Mary's so merry; she's already progressed to the flirtatious waving stage of her and Carlos's relationship. Mary introduces Carlos to RevCam thusly: "That is Carlos. He got hit by a bus. Isn't he cute?" Considering that he just got hit by bus, apparently, I'd say he's remarkably good-looking. Mary informs RevCam that Carlos is homeless, so she told him that he could stay at the CamPound for the holidays. How stupid is Mary to invite a homeless man she barely knows to stay at her house? It's a good thing he's a sanitized, 7th Heaven version of a homeless guy, with his healthy complexion, perfectly kept hair, sparkling white teeth, and rugged good looks, and not, like, a more realistic depiction of a homeless person.
Back in the CamKitchen, Annie is serving RevCam and Carlos coffee, which, as we all know, is RevCam's beverage of choice when it comes to putting up homeless, yet attractive, young men at Christmastime. Carlos says that he doesn't want to impose on the Camdens, and, seeing as how they have so many children to take care of already, he's willing to just camp out in a park or stay at a shelter. Annie says she wouldn't hear of that. RevCam frowns. Carlos asks if he can pitch his tent in the backyard, then. Annie says no, pointing out that one of Carlos's arms is in a cast, so he's hardly in any condition to go around pitching tents. ["Insert your own tent-pitching joke here. I'd do it for you, but I killed myself on the first page after reading about Simon's candy-cane hammock." -- Sars] RevCam explains that Carlos was hit by a bus. I don't know where they were trying to go with this "Carlos got hit by a bus" thing, but it pretty much gets dropped after this, so whatever. Annie leaves to get an air mattress. Carlos smiles cutely. Since it's never too early in a new relationship to start asking personal and probably painful questions, RevCam asks Carlos about his family "back east." Carlos says he left them two years ago when he and his father got in a fight, and he's not going back. Wait a minute...he left his family two years ago, he's an able-bodied adult, and he's homeless? He couldn't get a decent job in 1998's booming economy? And he's wasting his time volunteering at a shelter? No wonder his family kicked him out.