7th Heaven
Here Comes Santa Claus

Episode Report Card
Sara M: F | Grade It Now!
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Jingle Hell

Annie and Carlos polish the jukebox in the garage (wow, great hiding spot there, Annie. Surely RevCam will never go in the garage, even though he was just in there this morning) while Annie blathers on about how wonderful Christmas is "even if you're not religious." Yes, that's right -- only Christianity counts as a religion in the Camverse. Matt and Ruthie run into the garage, Matt still clad in his Santa suit. Matt whines that Ruthie just got him fired, while Ruthie whines that Matt ruined Christmas for her forever. What a baby. Matt shows a surprisingly degree of awareness when he notices that there's someone else in the room. He asks Carlos who he is. Before he can answer, Ruthie yells at Matt again and he runs out. Annie rewards her evil spawn with a hug. Carlos looks glad that he left his family so he doesn't have to deal with this kind of crap.

Mary is on the Lame Clear Phone with operator Ruth Buzzi, trying to find the phone number of Jordan's Uncle Sal. Ruth and her giant face are reluctant to help until Mary says that Lucy is "a Rules girl." At this, Ruth jumps forward and says that she "lives by The Rules -- that's how [she] managed to snag [her] fiancé." Yeah, and it only took her, from the looks of it, fifty-seven years to do it, too. Carlos enters the room briefly, sees Mary sitting there, and backs right back out again. Mary smiles longingly at him, because she doesn't know how to take a hint. Ruth tells Mary that she has a number for Uncle Sal. Mary smiles as The Saxophone of Audition Montage revs itself up.

Considering that Lucy was so bummed about having to do this stupid live nativity scene and all, you'd think she wouldn't be so picky at the auditions she didn't think anyone would show up for. And yet, we have to suffer through many, many shots of her turning down potential live nativity scene participants. At one point, she "humorously" falls backwards off her chair. Then RevCam comes in and expresses similar dissatisfaction over the potential participants. After all that fuss, Lucy just chooses a group at random.

CamDen. Simon puts some lame sunglasses on and prepares to turn his lights on, which he's placed randomly about the living room walls. He plugs them in, and they flicker and die. It's sort of a metaphor for Simon's life, if you think about it. The doorbell rings as Annie walks in. She's momentarily blinded by either the brightness of the lights or by how unbelievably tacky they look. She puts on a pair of nearby sunglasses, because who doesn't have sunglasses in convenient locations around their living room in the middle of winter? Matt storms downstairs and asks if anyone is planning to answer the door, as whoever is behind it has grown so impatient in the five seconds since s/he arrived that s/he has started knocking and ringing the doorbell simultaneously, like, learn some patience, asshole. Simon and Annie come to the door, which Matt is standing behind, refusing to answer on account of he's still wearing his Santa pants, and I guess that's supposed to be embarrassing. Annie answers it to reveal Jenny, all dressed for a party. Matt comes out from behind the door and tells her that he left her a message that he got fired, so he couldn't pay for tickets to the dance after all. Jenny says she has a surprise for him. Ruthie realizes that she hasn't had everyone's full attention in at least five minutes and walks through the foyer, whining about how she'll never get over Matt being Santa. They pay her little mind, and she goes upstairs. Matt leaves with Jenny. Annie turns to Simon and tells him to "go back in the living room and take another look at those lights," which doesn't look like much written out, but was delivered in a creepily seductive way, like she does when she tells RevCam to go upstairs and "check on the twins." Weird, and ew.

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7th Heaven

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