7th Heaven
Here Comes Santa Claus

Episode Report Card
Sara M: F | Grade It Now!
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Jingle Hell

Ruthie and some random woman walk into the kitchen. Ruthie tells Annie that she and "Jenny" are going to get some mistletoe at the tree lot. "Oh, that sounds like fun!" Annie screams in delight, because stuff like that is fun when the highlight of your day is choosing which potholder to use. Jenny establishes herself as Matt's lazy toenail-painting girlfriend when she says that she came over to see Matt, but he's at his new job, so she thought she and Ruthie could hang out instead. That's a booby prize if I ever saw one. Annie says she'd love to come along, but she can't because she has other things to do. Well, that's probably for the best, considering that no one actually invited her. She tells Jenny to make sure that Ruthie sits in the back seat, "away from the airbags," and runs upstairs to get RevCam. I wonder if Annie was ever this particular about vehicular seating arrangements for the twins? Oh, that's right -- they're lucky if she remembers to throw a graham cracker behind the couch every few days. Ruthie asks Jenny if they can stop at the mall and see Santa. Oh, wow, this Matt-as-Santa storyline is gonna suck even more than I thought it would.

Upstairs, RevCam is one the phone with Tim Conway, boring the old guy to tears by bragging about his collection of old 45s, which contains albums from "everyone, from Petula Clark to Rufus Thomas." What, no Ricky Nelson? I thought he was RevCam's favorite! Tim tells RevCam to "bring them in" so he can take a look at them. Annie waddles in, and RevCam pretends he's talking to a "Mrs. Thomas" about her husband and how he doesn't want to go to church on Christmas. Then he hangs up. Tim Conway's all, "WHAAA? [makes heee-larious confused face]." For some reason, Annie is suspicious, and asks RevCam all kinds of questions about what he's doing and who he's on the phone with and why he's in Matt's bedroom. RevCam deflects attention away from himself by asking Annie where she's going. "Wouldn't you like to know?" Annie says, trying to act all coy, and then ruining the effect by doing the pregnant shuffle out of the room.

Oh, dear. Lucy and Mary are talking about the "Latin hottie" Mary brought home. Just because his name's Carlos, he gets the "Latin" adjective? I hate this show. Mary says that Lucy is welcome to cast a "holiday honey" in her live nativity scene. "Holiday honey"? Methinks the writers have been reading a little too much Cosmopolitan. Or drinking too many cosmopolitans. Oh, that was me. Lucy says she might as well, since Jordan is going to dump her when he gets whatever crappy present she ends up giving him. Mary warns Lucy not to get "Christmas crazy." Mary, the alliteration is seriously stupid. Sara suggests stopping. So says Sars? Sorry. Mary tells Lucy to open her present to find out what she has to buy against. Lucy says she can't; Jordan told her to wait until Christmas. Mary grabs the present and peels back some of the wrapping paper to take a peak. She laughs, then tells Lucy that her beloved got her a shoeshine kit. Lucy grabs the present and opens it to reveal a plain cardboard box. She opens that and pulls out a wooden box with a little foot stand on it. How the hell did Mary instantly know that that was a shoeshine kit, especially considering the fact that all she saw was the side of an unmarked cardboard box? It must have been a Christmas miracle. Of lazy script-writing.

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7th Heaven

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