Kevin begs Lucy to have some champagne. She tells him to stop pressuring her. I don't think peer pressure exists once you've reached legal age, but, oh well. Lucy proposes a deal: she'll drink if Kevin will talk about their future. Kevin's cell phone rings. Kevin sees that the CamPound is calling, and wisely passes the phone off to Lucy so he doesn't have to talk to them. Lucy listens to what Ruthie has to say, blessedly free of a Cheesy Split Screen, and says they're on their way. She tells Kevin they have to get the check. Kevin is only too happy to oblige.
Chandler tells Jeffrey that he's only had one shot of the cognac, after his dad's funeral, and it helps him remember his dad. It also somehow helps him remember not to be like him. Jeffrey says he understands, but he's still pissed that Chandler never asked him why he's so anti-alcohol. Then he goes to bed so Chandler can think about how selfish he was to talk about his dead dad.
Ruthie walks into Simon's room and orders Sam and Vid to make up and become one again. SamVid respond that they've already done this, but they've also decided to live in Simon's room. Ruthie tells them that she doesn't have time for this shit, and leaves.
The CamRents burst into the house and ask Ruthie about the status of the Search for Peter. Ruthie says there is no change. RevCam calls Paris. Paris says Vic just got into town, but she didn't tell him that Peter is missing because she doesn't think he can deal with it even though he's been sober for three years. RevCam tells Paris that Vic has "earned the right" to know about Peter, like, shut up, RevCam. Lucy and Kevin run in. "Still no Peter?" Lucy asks. Heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh. RevCam tells Paris to sit tight at home while he, Kevin, and Vic search for Peter. That's right: Peter's own mother doesn't get to help search for her son. RevCam hangs up on Paris and tells the rest of the little women to stick around the CamPound in case Peter shows up. RevCam says he'll drive, since Kevin had a glass of champagne and the theme of this episode is to never drink.
Martin and Asslee leave the movie theater, and it turns out that neither of them saw the movie because they were both thinking about their non-fight fight. Way to waste twenty bucks there, guys. Martin says he's "scared" about Asslee going to college because, get this: he thinks she might start drinking. Because they were having a semi-realistic problem before, so let's make it so completely ridiculous as to render it unbelievable. Martin says that Asslee's friends drink, and he doesn't like it. Asslee says that she doesn't drink, and it's not like her friends are downing shots of vodka. Loser Martin says that Asslee's friends are doing something illegal and irresponsible, and since he's a "responsible person," he doesn't like being around "illegal activity." Asslee says that she doesn't understand why, if Martin was really worried about her drinking in college, he didn't just say that in the first place. Martin reminds her that she's the one who brought the whole going-away-to-college thing up. "Did I?" says Asslee. "Yeah," says Martin. Well, that wasted twenty seconds. Asslee changes the subject and asks Martin why he didn't just say something to her friends when they were drinking; Martin says he was intimidated by their advanced age. Asslee asks Martin to trust her to not give up on their relationship. He says he does and he won't. Wooo.