7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Cate: F | 467 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
High Anxiety

Simon and Asslee are making out in the movie theater while a bunch of little kids watch them. Really, kids, it's not that exciting. Trust me. The usher comes up and asks Simon and Asslee to leave. He pretty much sums up everything when he disgustedly asks, "Can't you find a better place to make out than a Sammy the Squirrel movie?" The revolting lovebirds try to argue that they're just watching the movie, but the usher, unlike the vast majority of Glenoak residents, is not stupid. Simon and Asslee leave.

Elsewhere on the Promenade, Ruthie walks up to Ben. She's got an attractive brunette named Jill in tow. Ruthie performs the introductions like a personals ad, helpfully filling us in on important facts like Jill's favorite color (blue) and her taste in meat (burgers, not steaks). She even asks Ben to take his shirt off so that Jill can see his chest. Before she can get around to inviting Ben to examine Jill's teeth, Jill asks, "Are we on camera or something?" When Ben replies in the negative, Jill asks, "So, what, you two are just weirdos?" Ha! What's even funnier is that while Jill runs away, calling for "security," Ruthie just stands there, smiling psychotically at Ben.

The CamRents have ditched the Hamiltons again for one of their special kitchen chats. Discouraged by their lack of success in saving the Hamilton marriage, Annie announces that she has a "nutty" plan. I believe that "nutty" is sitcom-speak for "incredibly retarded."

RevBong has rushed down to the police station to talk to Roxanne. She's pretty pissed at Kevin for calling him when she expressly asked him not to. It looks like she's still not ready to acknowledge that men just have better judgment than women. And what's with the attitude? She probably has PMS. Detective Michaels comes out and tells her that PopRox is almost done with his interview, so he'll be out in a few minutes. He also tells her that her father has decided to quit the police force. Roxanne says, "Okay, now I'm upset." Good thing she spelled it out, because I don't know if I'd have picked that up from her "acting." Honestly, didn't Rachel Blanchard used to be a better actress? Maybe it's not that the performers on 7th Heaven started out as bad actors; maybe the show itself sucks the acting skills right out of them.

7th Heaven

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