7th Heaven
High Anxiety

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High Anxiety

After Annie leaves, Asslee tells Simon, "We're right back where we were a month ago." And which crappy episode would that be? "At the same place we were at when we both wanted to have sex." Ah, that one. Well, at least this time Asslee's acknowledging that she wanted to have sex too. I'm not sure that perpetuating the notion that only guys want sex -- as this show has been doing recently with the whole Simon and Cecilia storyline -- was really doing anyone a service.

So, Reverend Hamilton is back. I honestly can't say I missed him much, but he more likeable than most of the guest stars. Right now he's trying to calm RevCam performance anxiety. Obviously, he's a miracle worker, because he accomplishes that in about twenty seconds. Or maybe Sue realized that this is a really stupid excuse for a plot and that she shouldn't devote too much time to it. RevCam's problem handily dispensed with, Morgan now tells Eric he needs some help himself.

Patricia provides the exposition, as she complains to Annie up in The Treehouse of Terror. Neither of them is paying any attention to the twins playing with power tools, so we probably don't have to bother with them either. We learn that Morgan wants to go on tour with a jazz band instead of being a full-time minister. Hey, it's almost exactly like RevCam wanting to quit the ministry to write smutty novels! And everyone knows how enthralling that particular storyline has turned out to be. Lest you think this is too much of a coincidence to be believable, Patricia tells us that Morgan's epiphany was inspired by Eric's soul-searching. Thanks for going that extra mile to make it all so realistic, writers. Patricia is peeved, but not for any of the practical, normal reasons you might expect -- such as worry over finances. No, Patricia's reasoning runs along the same absurd lines as Annie's. As she puts it, "I married a minister, not a jazz musician." That pretty much kills any sympathy I might have been inclined to give her.

Down at the Glenoak PD, Roxanne and Kevin are talking to Detective Michaels. He tells Roxanne that her father is talking to some other detectives, but that when he is finished, he has something he wants to tell Roxanne himself. All Roxanne has to do is halfheartedly monotone that she wants "to know now," and Michaels caves right in. He tells her about what happened earlier in the convenience store, adding that PopRox shot the burglary suspect and killed him. This makes Roxanne go all defensive, as she wants to know why police officers are interrogating her father "like he did something wrong." That's quite an assumption there, Roxanne. And seriously, don't you think it's possible that PopRox would have to talk about this incident and fill out reams of paperwork and so on? A man is dead, for Christ's sake. I can't even bear to think how hard a spin-off of this show starring Roxanne and Chandler would suck. Roxanne needs to shut up posthaste. The worst is yet to come, though. Michaels goes on to tell us that the man PopRox shot was the same man suspected of killing Roxanne's mother years ago. Aurghh! Maybe PopRox could come over here and shoot me now, before I have to watch the rest of this awful episode.

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7th Heaven

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