7th Heaven
Holy War, Part II

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Holy War, Part II

It's the night of the rehearsal dinner, and Dopey and his wife are in the CamKitchen. She's moaning about how bad she feels that she and Dopey are not at the rehearsal dinner. And she'd had such high hopes for the wedding. What did she want to accomplish again? "Get married, with our families, thereby bringing us, them and our two faiths together forever." I think she's being overly optimistic about the effect her wedding is going to have on the history of Judeo-Christian relations, but if she wants to dream, I won't stop her. In case you missed last week's episode, Dopey helpfully expositions, "I figured we were gonna have some drama, but I never figured the drama would be your dad refusing to marry us and my father refusing to show up." Dopey wisely suggests that they just tell their parents they're already married and then head off to New York. Plot Contrivance says, "So you just want to give up and run away?" I don't get it. What would Dopey be giving up on? A fake wedding that's setting PC's parents back thousands of dollars? Why is she trying to imply that this whole phony shebang serves some higher purpose? Dude, it's just a hackneyed way to write Barry Watson off the show, okay? PC suggests that they deputize their mothers to convince their fathers to get along. If there's more to this super plan, we don't get to hear it, since PC is distracted when she bites into her sandwich and discovers it's nothing but white bread and mayonnaise. I'm really not surprised that this would be Dopey's favorite sandwich. It's kind of the food equivalent of himself. However, I don't see him indulging in any of his sandwich creations. PC uses this opportunity to make the trite observation that if she can get used to eating white bread and mayonnaise, "anything is possible." Maybe that's true, but if you're hoping it's possible that this episode will be exciting, I think you'd better not hold your breath.

This week's Opening Credits Timewaster has a new twist. Instead of showing Annie tidying up the CamKitchen or…Annie tidying up the CamKitchen, this time it's Rosina Conehead tidying up the GlassKitchen. Revolutionary! And believe me, it's every bit as exciting as Annie tidying up the CamKitchen. Rabbi Richard walks in and starts arguing with Rosina about the same old stuff. He doesn't want his daughter to marry someone who's not Jewish. Yeah, I think that's been covered already. Rosina points out that Dopey is willing to convert, but Richard is finally ready to admit that Matt's desire to convert has more to do with him wanting to marry PC than with any good reasons. Rosina wisely glosses over this and concentrates on trying to sell her husband on the strength of Dopey and PC's beautiful love for each other. She points out that if Richard hadn't been Jewish and her parents had forbidden her to marry him, she would not have listened to them. Richard looks like he's about to have a big epiphany, but that disaster is averted as he shrugs and goes back to eating his cereal. Rosina freaks on him, shouting, "By all means, eat, be merry and mess up this kitchen, the way you're messing up our daughter's life!" Whew! That dialogue is a little strained even by 7th Heaven standards.

Ruthie opens the trapdoor to the unfinished garage Treehouse to see that Robbie is indeed living there. He even has furniture. Since Ruthie spent all of last episode moving Robbie's stuff into the Treehouse, I'm assuming that she moved the heavy furniture up there herself too. Hey, don't forget -- in Glenoak, "anything is possible." International Pop Sensation Joy is up in the Treehouse with Robbie. Oops, my mistake. That's actually just a poster of her, but since it's out-acting the real Joy, I'm sure you can understand how it's an easy mistake to make. The fact that Robbie even has that poster up on his wall is a little strange. I wonder if Joy had it made up for him at one of those Glamour Shots places. Robbie invites Ruthie into his apartment and then starts sulking about how Simon and Ruthie have been treating him. He's made the decision to live in this prison instead of the CamPound prison because he's "not family, and when you think about it, only family should be living in the house." Okay, I've thought about it, and I still have no idea what Robbie's talking about. Ruthie seems disappointed that he's not leaving altogether. He says he'd consider leaving, but only if Ruthie explains why she, his "best friend in the house," is suddenly turning on him. Ruthie refuses to explain. I can take a crack at it if you like, Robbie. I suspect that since it's the last show of the season, and the writers are obviously exceptionally burned out, this is the best excuse they could come up with for a subplot. There -- did that help?

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