After an establishing shot of the Swingin' Bachelor Pad, some tedious, melody-free music plays while Dopey gathers up dirty laundry and throws it into a bag. Even if this were a good show, a scene like this would make me want to change the channel. After about twelve decades of this crap, the phone rings. It's Mary, in the first of far too many appearances this episode. At least she'll be on the phone in every single one of them, which probably has her co-workers overjoyed. Seeing as how all these fake-o phone conversations must be put together in post-production, nobody will actually have to interact with Mary in any way. That's probably the only reason Barry Watson can keep a straight face while delivering lines about loving and missing Mary. He also says that it "would have been nice" if she'd come home for Christmas. He keeps a straight face during that one too. Amazing! The point of Mary's call is that she thinks Lucy is dating Robbie. Somehow she comes up with the asinine idea that the whole family knows that "Lucy is in love with Robbie," and so they were all involved in sending her away to enable Lucy and Robbie's relationship. Maybe she's having severe detox symptoms from that half a beer she drank many months ago, and next she'll start seeing insects climbing up the walls. All I know is that this scene can't end fast enough for me. Mary pleads for Dopey's help, but he says there's nothing he can do about the situation while Robbie is living at the CamPound. Mary hangs up on him, but the scene still doesn't end. Nope, not when they can bring in John to annoy us further.

He's anxious for the Dopester to be at the Bachelor Pad when he meets Priscilla's parents for the first time. Why he would think meeting Dopey could possibly impress Priscilla's parents is a mystery of gigantic proportions. Dopey cracks me up by claiming that his family needs him. By this, I think he means that he's got a hankering to meddle in everyone else's business for a while. John expresses his sadness that Matt won't support him in his plan to marry Priscilla. Dopey just whines judgmentally about how he disapproves of the situation. My, what a lovely message that sends about friendship! Maybe it will inspire me to sit down and make a list of all the things that I think my friends should change about the way they are living their lives. Come on, you can do it too! Remember, no detail is too petty or personal to be exempt from your scrutiny. Feel free to weigh in on everything, especially if it is an issue that has no effect on you whatsoever. Then call up each soon-to-be-ex-friend and favour him or her with your unsolicited opinion of how to handle things. After each and every one of them has told you to go to hell and slammed down the phone on your ass, go down to the police station and see if you can get the cops to share personal info about people you know. They might even want to gossip about whether drivers stopped for traffic violations were driving under the influence of alcohol. It doesn't matter if the cops didn't give the suspects a breathalyzer test; I'm sure they'd be pleased to speculate with you now, after the fact.