7th Heaven
Honor Thy Mother

Episode Report Card
Sara M: D+ | Grade It Now!
Honor Thy Agent

Ruthie enters the attic room and picks up the Lame Clear Phone, placing the speaking end of the receiver firmly under her chin. Vincent says he's ready to pick Ruthie up. Ruthie asks if she can just meet him on the Promenade instead, since she'll be there with Lucy anyway. As she's speaking, the Cheesy Split Screen suddenly comes into full effect. You know, I don't even mind the Cheesy Split Screen anymore. In fact, I kind of love the way it just randomly appears and disappears in scenes, regardless of whether or not the phone conversation has ended. It adds a sense of movement to a show that has absolutely none. Vincent and Ruthie make plans to hang out at the pool hall, and Ruthie hangs up on him without saying goodbye, to the wail of the Saxophone of Wayward Daughters.

The opening credits have changed yet again! They now include a shot of Lucy holding Savannah, and Martin is nowhere to be seen! Pardon my exclamation points, but the opening credits change is the most exciting thing that ever happens on this show. I hope that George Stults gets his agent to make some demands for next season, though, because the fact that the only cast member he comes before in the credits is the goddamn dog is very wrong.

For our Opening Credits Timewaster, we see RevCam hard at work in the church office. Oh, my mistake -- he's not doing any church work at all, but assembling a collage of pictures of Grandma Jenny. It's a nice gesture, although I hope none of those pictures RevCam glued and cut up were actually important to Annie, because they're ruined now. Melissa Gilbert walks in, and RevCam is forced to actually do his job. But first, he shows off his collage, and she makes a sad face, probably because, as collages go, it's really crappy. RevCam thinks Melissa Gilbert is sad that Grandma Jenny is dead, and these people never cease to amaze me with their incredible self-centeredness. Melissa says her problem is actually about her mother, although Melissa concedes that she feels "guilty" for coming to RevCam with it, seeing as neither she nor her mother are actually members of his church, although it is in her mother's neighborhood so that apparently means it has to deal with her problems. This is fabulous news for me, because there's a Seventh Day Adventist church right across the street from my apartment, and I could really use some housecleaning assistance. Surely they, simply by virtue of their proximity to me, will be happy to pitch in for free. My car could use an oil change as well, Seventh Day Adventists! And please pay my cable bill.

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7th Heaven




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