At some restaurant, RevCam is telling an unappreciative Simon the story of his life. You want to hear it, don't you? Okay. Eric's dad, The Colonel, didn't cough up any college money because he was hoping Eric would "crack" and go into the Marines. Young Eric entered a seminary in New York instead. The Colonel wanted Eric to enlist and fight in Vietnam. "Wait -- you're not gonna tell me you dodged the draft, are you?" Simon cuts in. Eric explains that there was a drafting lottery. He told himself that the outcome would be a sign from God. The lottery let him out of the draft and Eric felt God wanted him to be a minister. "Is that the end of the story?" asks Simon, who makes a resigned face when RevCam continues. Young Eric dredged up the guts to tell The Colonel that he'd entered the seminary. The Colonel surprised him by merely instructing him to be a good minister. Simon chuckles and asks again if that's the end of the story. "No. It should have been . . ." says Eric. He starts trying to have a revelation. He's wondering if The Colonel was issuing a challenge instead of just expressing acceptance. He's wondered whether God actually "performs signs" for anyone on request. Simon breaks it down for him: "If you don't believe in signs, maybe that high draft number didn't mean anything and you're really not supposed to be a minister. Maybe it just meant that you lucked out and you didn't have to sign up." Eric ponders this wryly as the Lighthearted Acoustic Guitar takes us into the next scene.
Matt gets home and melodramatically tells John that he only made $20, which isn't enough for a visit to the Big Apple. Matt says, "You can't even buy a book about New York for twenty bucks." He says that in the old days, going to another city and showing up at a woman's doorstep might have been considered romantic, but today it's considered a felony. John's just working the crowd this week, isn't he? Matt says, "I'm not stalking Shana." Matt, face the truth. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Matt doesn't want to break up with Shana and throw away the two years they spent together. John makes him admit that Shana's already told him to see other people. He suggests that Matt take a break and take some time for himself. That's right, Matt. Do the Kelly Taylor and choose you! John leaves, saying something about finding his parents to thank them for all the advice they ever gave him. Or something. I lost interest because he wasn't holding a donut this time. Matt dials Shana's number, and some guy wearing too much eye makeup and rouge answers the phone and tells Matt that Shana and Brett are at the library. "The library? On a Friday night at midnight?" says Matt. The guy lashes back with, "Look -- I don't know how the libraries are at those little colleges in America's villages, but here at the big universities in the big cities, the libraries are open till 2 AM." Whoa, that was cold-blooded! Lame Matt says to tell Shana he's coming to the big city. He adopts a yokel accent and says, "I wanna see what all them big buildings look like and take a ride on that underground train." The guy who's wearing almost as much makeup as the lead singer for Human League says, "No problem," and hangs up. Matt makes his super-mad, supposed-to-be-comic face, then looks at his small pile of small bills and rolls his eyes.