Dopey is parked on the street in his bitchin' Camaro when an older woman knocks on his window. She's a little masculine-looking, which makes me wonder if Matt is trolling for transvestite hookers. Oops! It's Heather's mom, and she wants to know why Dopey is parked outside her house. It turns out he's done this sort of thing before. Well, color me surprised! What's even funnier is that the last time we saw Heather, she wasn't even living in her mom's house anymore; she was in an apartment. The mom tries telling Dopey firmly to move on with his life, but Dopey just whines some more. The mom has to remind him that Heather moved to New York in December, but even that doesn't put him off as he begs for her number.
Back at Joy's house, Robbie is trying to get romantic through the bathroom door. He's telling Joy all sorts of stuff about how he doesn't want to bang her until they're married. Trust me, it's dull -- so dull, in fact, that I'm surprised the butler, who's been eavesdropping, hasn't fallen asleep by now. He announces his presence, and then orders Joy to come out of the bathroom. She complies, which probably tells you everything you need to know about her status in this household.
Kim's prepared for her party by decorating the living room with as much VD crap as she can possibly fit on the walls. She herself is resplendent in a fugly white t-shirt with a giant lipstick kiss on it and a dorky little red ribbon tied around her neck. When Ruthie and Simon walk in, Kim and Frank go right over to taunt Ruthie for showing up with her brother. I'm not sure how Kim could hope to embarrass anyone else, dressed as she is. Just then, Maria and Jake walk in. Jake looks a bit like a cross between a kid's idea of Prince Charming and a young Shaun Cassidy, complete with feathered hair. He doesn't look thrilled to admit he's with Ruthie, but then he does ask her to dance. I wonder how much his sister is paying him for this. Plenty, I'd imagine. Kim tries to stop Jake and Ruthie from dancing, but Jake won't be swayed. He leads Ruthie out onto the dance floor, while Kim keeps shouting after them that this "is not a dance!" Maria demonstrates that she's rude enough to be a Camden when she tells Kim, "Like we care what you think," before leading Simon out onto the dance floor. Okay, Maria, I understand that Kim needs to be put in her place, but you are in her house, enjoying her party decorations and whatever else she's got going on at her party, so maybe you could either refrain from insulting your hostess, or just leave. Because I've given up expecting to see even a hint of reality anywhere in tonight's show, I'm barely surprised when the rest of the partygoers laugh at Kim and then all get up and start dancing too. Yes, folks, all these eleven-year-old kids really wanted to do was dance with each other, but they were too afraid to until a high school senior had the balls to tell off the eleven-year-old hostess who was keeping them off the dance floor. It's so saccharine, yet somehow distasteful at the same time.