Simon is at his school locker, being checked out by some blonde girl. She introduces herself as Maria Davis, and Simon expresses his surprise that a popular senior like her would be speaking to him. Oddly enough, that's not a total turn-off for Maria. She asks him if he's going to the VD dance, and he has to tell her he's "grounded for life." That still doesn't turn her off, and she asks if she can hang out with him while he babysits the twins. She's handily already written out her phone number on a piece of paper, which she hands to Simon, telling him to call her. You know, I just noticed that Simon's hair is looking a little closer in hue to his eyebrows. Or maybe he's been experimenting with Dopey's hair-greasification products again.
Back at the CamPound, Mary confronts Robbie about what she overheard him discussing on the phone. I guess a few weeks away have given Robbie a new perspective on stalking, because he expresses disgust that she's been eavesdropping on his phone conversations. So does that mean it's possible to deprogram a Camden in just two weeks? Well, maybe not a real Camden. Sometimes I forget that Robbie didn't grow up in the CamPound. Mary is a biological Camden, though, and she brushes off his comments in favor of meddling in his business some more. The shock and dismay she expresses over the idea of Robbie taking Joy to a hotel room seems totally out of proportion with the fact that Joy and Robbie are both over the age of eighteen and thus can legally have just as much sex as they damn well please. Mary just doesn't get it. She tries to shame Robbie by saying, "You cannot go through with what you're planning for tonight. It's wrong and you know it!" Robbie doesn't look too ashamed, though. He accuses Mary of being jealous, which she denies. He twists the knife some more by telling her, "Joy's my future; you're my past." Then he gets into his old, fugly car and drives away while Jessica Biel struggles valiantly to make Mary look upset. The results come off as sort of her usual vacuous stare, though.
Annie is in the CamKitchen with Ruthie and the twins, trying to find out why Ruthie didn't want to go to school. Ruthie opens her mouth to issue what will surely be an utterly fascinating reply when the phone rings. Annie answers to hear RevCam trying to sound sexy while asking, "What are you wearing?" Good golly, does he honestly think she's cavorting through the CamKitchen in a push-up bra and crotchless panties while decorating the twins' birthday cake? It looks like he's picked up this nauseating conversational gambit from a book called The Art of Fantasy. This one only has a few Post-It notes in it, thank God. Obviously Annie's never read this fine tome, since she hasn't the foggiest notion what's going on. Even Ruthie seems to understand, since she starts rolling her eyes when Annie makes statements like, "I'm wearing my clothes," but Annie still doesn't have a clue. She says she doesn't want to take off her sweater because she's cold, and then asks RevCam if he's okay because he sounds "strange." He says he's sick -- make that "lovesick" -- for her. Ugh, that's the worst yet. If these really are ideas he picked up from a book, I can't say I'll be rushing out to buy The Art of Fantasy any time soon. Ruthie sighs in revulsion and leaves, but RevCam's finally given up with his totally lame attempt at phone sex. Now he just wants to know what Annie's big VD surprise is, but she blithely tells him, "You'll have to wait," before hanging up on him. She calls up to Ruthie, asking, "Don't you want to talk?" Ruthie gets in one of her better lines when she disgustedly shouts down, "Not anymore." I think the only thing that could have made this scene funnier would have been if Annie were wearing her stupid sailor top, and had flirtatiously told RevCam so.