7th Heaven
Hot Pants

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Hot Pants

Back at the CamPound, Mary confronts Robbie about what she overheard him discussing on the phone. I guess a few weeks away have given Robbie a new perspective on stalking, because he expresses disgust that she's been eavesdropping on his phone conversations. So does that mean it's possible to deprogram a Camden in just two weeks? Well, maybe not a real Camden. Sometimes I forget that Robbie didn't grow up in the CamPound. Mary is a biological Camden, though, and she brushes off his comments in favor of meddling in his business some more. The shock and dismay she expresses over the idea of Robbie taking Joy to a hotel room seems totally out of proportion with the fact that Joy and Robbie are both over the age of eighteen and thus can legally have just as much sex as they damn well please. Mary just doesn't get it. She tries to shame Robbie by saying, "You cannot go through with what you're planning for tonight. It's wrong and you know it!" Robbie doesn't look too ashamed, though. He accuses Mary of being jealous, which she denies. He twists the knife some more by telling her, "Joy's my future; you're my past." Then he gets into his old, fugly car and drives away while Jessica Biel struggles valiantly to make Mary look upset. The results come off as sort of her usual vacuous stare, though.

Annie is in the CamKitchen with Ruthie and the twins, trying to find out why Ruthie didn't want to go to school. Ruthie opens her mouth to issue what will surely be an utterly fascinating reply when the phone rings. Annie answers to hear RevCam trying to sound sexy while asking, "What are you wearing?" Good golly, does he honestly think she's cavorting through the CamKitchen in a push-up bra and crotchless panties while decorating the twins' birthday cake? It looks like he's picked up this nauseating conversational gambit from a book called The Art of Fantasy. This one only has a few Post-It notes in it, thank God. Obviously Annie's never read this fine tome, since she hasn't the foggiest notion what's going on. Even Ruthie seems to understand, since she starts rolling her eyes when Annie makes statements like, "I'm wearing my clothes," but Annie still doesn't have a clue. She says she doesn't want to take off her sweater because she's cold, and then asks RevCam if he's okay because he sounds "strange." He says he's sick -- make that "lovesick" -- for her. Ugh, that's the worst yet. If these really are ideas he picked up from a book, I can't say I'll be rushing out to buy The Art of Fantasy any time soon. Ruthie sighs in revulsion and leaves, but RevCam's finally given up with his totally lame attempt at phone sex. Now he just wants to know what Annie's big VD surprise is, but she blithely tells him, "You'll have to wait," before hanging up on him. She calls up to Ruthie, asking, "Don't you want to talk?" Ruthie gets in one of her better lines when she disgustedly shouts down, "Not anymore." I think the only thing that could have made this scene funnier would have been if Annie were wearing her stupid sailor top, and had flirtatiously told RevCam so.

RevCam hangs up the phone, looking inordinately pleased with himself -- at least until he sees Dopey grinning at him from the doorway. Now, that's just gross. I keep expecting Matt to say, "Way to go, Dad! So you're gonna nail Mom tonight, huh?" For some reason, Dopey doesn't seem to find the situation as weird as I do, or maybe he's just really selfish, since he briefly laughs at Eric and then starts talking about his own stupid problems. He does, however, request that RevCam not answer his questions in his "sexy voice." Heh. Dopey wants to know why he's broken up with all his ex-girlfriends. Why he's asking RevCam this is something of a mystery, but at least Eric is polite enough not to tell Dopey that his relationships probably never work because he's a boring, uptight loser. RevCam offers a justification, albeit a lame one, for the upcoming guest appearances of all Dopey's exes when he suggests that Dopey start contacting them. Stellar advice, Eric. I'm sure your son's not going to look totally pathetic spending his Valentine's Day calling up all his ex-girlfriends.

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7th Heaven




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