7th Heaven
Hot Pants

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Hot Pants

Robbie shows up at Joy's with a big bouquet of roses. He says he had to go to three different florist shops to find them. What a productive use of time and money, especially since Joy just tosses them on the couch and pulls Robbie down for some making out. At least she didn't pull him down onto that dreadful yellow floral chair that looks like a closeout special from the worst furniture store in the universe. Like everyone else, Joy has a big VD surprise for her guy: They're all alone in the house for the night. This makes Robbie very nervous. Joy explains that she's not sure she wants to be with Robbie "like that." Because she screws up her face in distaste, I'm assuming she's talking about the ickiness that is sex. She confusingly adds that she is ready to be "more serious" with him, whatever the hell that means. And I'm really not sure why they need to have the house empty either, if they're not going to be having evil sex. She completes the confusion by adding that since they have the house to themselves, they should just "see what happens." Good idea. And here's another one. Maybe they could put on party hats and pretend they're clowns. Hey, it works for the CamRents. By the way, it looks like Joy's blouse may have been quite attractive before it got all torn up in the wash.

Back at the pool hall, slack-jawed Wilson is explaining to Mary that he got laid off from his annual report-compiling job. Unable to afford any cubic-zirconium-encrusted ties, he moved back to Glenoak to work for his father. Cory gets my vote for Dumb-Ass Of The Year when she keeps enthusing about how well little Billy gets along with her daughter. I remember now: Cory is that friend Mary stuck up for a couple years ago when people were dissing her for being a single mother. Mary asks how the two single parents ended up together. I could see them meeting up at a PTA meeting or something, but since this show's core audience is gullible enough to accept, well, just about anything the writers come up with, no matter how moronic, it's almost like Brenda's mocking them by having Cory say that she and Wilson met on a flight to Glenoak. I'm sure that means a flight from "New York" to Glenoak. What else could it be? See, Cory's still in school "back east," and she's just here because…oh, does anyone really care why she's here? No, I didn't think so. She and Wilson get all sappy, right in front of Mary, who gets up and walks away.

On the other side of the pool hall, everyone's ganging up on Lucy, guessing that she doesn't really have a date. Isn't that the ultimate insult in Glenoak -- accusing someone of not having a date on Valentine's Day? Lucy tells the girls to go back to discussing their "blowjob techniques," except that she may have said "blow-dry techniques" instead. It erupts into a full-blown argument between Jeremy and Lucy, notable only for the fact that he calls her "psychotic." After Lucy storms off, Jeremy's date comments, "She really is psychotic." Even Mike raises his eyebrows in seeming agreement.

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7th Heaven




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