7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Sara M: F | 1592 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Dorothea Lange Spins In Her Grave

Kevin asks Lucy if she wants to go out to dinner tonight. He wants it to be just the two of them, someplace "dark and romantic," which makes sense when you consider that for a dinner with Lucy to be romantic, it would have to be very dark indeed. Dark, and each diner would have his own soundproof chamber. Kevin says they can "let" the CamRents watch Savannah while they're out. How generous of them! Lucy says no way, explaining that Annie has her hands full with sick Vid, and Lucy doesn't want any of Vid's germs getting near Savannah. There's a simple solution to that problem, Lucy: MOVE. Kevin is disappointed. Lucy squeezes his cheeks and says they can go out some other time. By the way, Lucy says all her lines in a baby voice, which is very annoying, although not more so than Lucy usually is. Kevin suggests bringing dinner upstairs and having a candlelight dinner. Lucy doesn't pay attention to that, focusing instead on Savannah's nose: "You have the cutest widdle nose! It's so teeny-tiny, I don't know how you get any air!" Possible set-up for a touching episode on SIDS? You be the judge.

And just when you thought this show couldn't get any more mundane, we cut to RevCam and Annie doing laundry. A phone rings. They don't answer it. RevCam asks about Vid, and Annie says he says he's still sick, but he seems okay. The phone rings again. Annie asks RevCam to take the garbage out. The phone rings again. RevCam gets the garbage together to take out. The phone rings again. Ah, the inherent suspense of domestic tranquility! RevCam finally acknowledges the ringing phone, asking if it's Vincent calling for Ruthie. "I guess so," says Annie. No one answers the phone. They'd better hope it's Vincent, and not someone calling the house with an emergency, like one of RevCam's parishioners, or a Glenoakian who isn't a parishioner but seeks out advice from RevCam anyway, or Mary, who's probably been trying to call for a long time now, but since everyone would prefer to think of her as evil and non-communicative, no one answers the phone.

Close up of the Lame Clear Phone. It rings. Ruthie picks it up. Vincent begs her to talk to him. Ruthie hangs up on him.

RevCam takes out the garbage, and finds the jacket. Were I to find clothing in my garbage, I'd probably leave it there. But RevCam, hearing the Wailing Saxophone of Shameful Secondhand Clothing, takes it.

Kevin offers to help Annie with dinner, but she says it's "all under control." Annie likes it when things are under control. She likes it a lot. I'm kind of confused as to why she's putting saran wrap on what appears to be a bowl full of lettuce. Perhaps she's practicing for her nightly asphyxial suicide attempt. Annie asks Kevin if he's okay. He says he's "adjusting to being a dad." RevCam, holding Ruthie's jacket, comes inside, so Annie runs away, as dictated by the 7th Heaven Law of Spatial Relations ("such that if one character leaves the room, a vacuum of space is created that must be immediately filled by a new character. Conversely, should one character enter a scene already containing two characters, one character must immediately leave the scene to restore equilibrium"). Kevin asks RevCam if they can talk outside.

7th Heaven

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