I'm still not sure if this is the best episode ever or the worst. Anyway, the first half of the show progresses normally with the usual boring and stupid subplots: Vincent's new girlfriend makes fun of Ruthie for wearing the jacket she gave away to a secondhand store, Martin's sort-of girlfriend Zoe passes out in the bathroom and has a Deep Dark Secret, Kevin tells everyone how horny he is because Lucy won't have sex with him, and, in a shocking twist, SamVid are actually fun to watch as they try to scheme their way out of going to school. Their autism seems to be clearing up nicely.
And then the second half of the episode starts and everything goes to shit. We find out that Zoe's parents, despite working like seventeen jobs between them, can't afford food. And Zoe's dad comes to RevCam and tells him this, and the actor spends the whole scene trying to hold back his laughter as he says lines like: "We're POOR! And sir, we're HUNGRY!" And suddenly, there's this ten-minute section where random "teenagers," all of whom seem to have plenty of money for clothing and beauty products, tell the camera about how they're poor and hungry. One of them says being hungry "blows." It's supposed to be very serious, but it's kind of the funniest thing ever, especially when one of hungry kids, her arms weak from cheap processed foods, drops all her school stuff on the floor in the middle of her speech. And then Ruthie and her dad talk about American society and how it fosters a stigma about asking for government assistance, and about how some people act out because they have painful secrets. Like Vincent's totally awesome girlfriend, who is mean because her mom is dead of the cancer.
This episode is dedicated to the memory of Shelley Hull, who doesn't merit anything fancier than Times New Roman font for his dedication announcement. And it's not even centered. Shelley Hull was an associate producer on the show who died in February of this year. Meanwhile, Graham Jarvis died a little over two years ago and has to yet to see an episode dedicated to his memory. Obviously, the episode where his character died, in which the impulsive nuptials of two retarded people got more screen time than his death or any characters' reactions to it, and the subsequent episode in which the entire town danced and sang in happiness over his passing, do not count.
Sad Pianos give way to the more upbeat guitar and drums as we enter Glenoak High. Then Ruthie sees Vincent talking to a girl, and the Saxophones of He Sure Did Get Over You Fast start up. Ruthie walks up to the new couple and introduces herself. The blonde girl rolls her eyes and introduces herself simply as "Vincent's new girlfriend." Women don't need any more identification than that on this show, really. Vincent tells us her name is Margo, which is the designated name for all snotty bitches (please see "Brewster, Punky" and "3-G, Apartment"), and this Margo is no exception. Ruthie says she doesn't want things to be awkward. Margo asks who, exactly, things would be awkward for. Ruthie has no answer for this, because she's not used to getting sassed. Vincent tries to leave, but Margo asks "Preacher Girl" if she bought her jacket from "Second Hand Rose," Glenoak's hottest new secondhand clothing store, because Margo recognizes it as her own. She adds that next time Ruthie needs clothes, she should just tell Margo, who can give her all the clothes she doesn't want anymore. And, hopefully, has outgrown significantly, as Margo is a lot taller than Ruthie. Margo demands that Vincent follow her down the hall, but he chooses to follow Ruthie, who runs into the bathroom. Of course, he cannot pass the door, as women's bathrooms are guarded by force fields that repel anyone in possession of a penis. On any other show, I would hate the bitchy Margo. As this is 7th Heaven, however, and Margo has hurt the feelings of a character whose feelings I care nothing about, I think she's awesome.
The drama just doesn't stop, folks! Ruthie enters the bathroom and sees a girl passed out on the floor. Two random girls are hovering over her, wondering if they should call a nurse. The fainting girl, Zoe, a.k.a. That Girl Who Wants To Have Sex With Martin Even Though He Doesn't Want To Have Sex With Her, wakes up and says no nurse needs to be called because she faints "all the time." That is some terrible logic there. Zoe yells at the girls to go away, and they are happy to oblige. Zoe tells Ruthie not to tell Martin about her shameful fainting spell, and asks the supposedly crying Ruthie what her problem is. Ruthie says Zoe wouldn't understand. Zoe says Ruthie would be surprised. Unless, of course, she read the episode title. Then she, like me, would be bored to tears.