7th Heaven
I Love Lucy

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I Love Lucy

Chandler is delivering a marriage proposal to his mirror while he puts on a tie. It's not particularly romantic, and it takes him about three or four decades to get all the words out. Oh, I guess he's actually practicing a proposal for Roxanne. Well, it's about time, I say. They have been dating for about a month now. And here's Roxanne, knocking at the door. It looks like she overheard RevBong proposing to his mirror, but she doesn't say anything about it. She just wants to know where he's taking her for dinner. When he says he's bringing her to a restaurant at a hotel, Roxanne gets this horndog look on her face as she fixates on the word "hotel." It's a little hard for me to suspend my disbelief enough to buy that Chandler could make anyone that passionate.

At the CamPound, Ben walks through the front door with Bo Derek. She looks far too young to be his mother, but that's the role she's playing, unfortunately. You know, she really should just stick to acting in bad made-for-TV movies. It would be so much more dignified. Ma Kinkirk says she knows she'll love Lucy. I wouldn't be so sure about that. We learn that Ma Kinkirk is engaged, but hasn't told Kevin yet. Number of viewers who give a shit about that: zero. Ben insults Happy for being a bad guard dog. Hey, leave the dog alone, you hateful doofus! Maybe Geoff Stults is just jealous of her acting skills.

Lucy is alone with Max in the car, and she's trying to find out where he's taking her. He won't tell, since it's supposed to be a surprise. Lucy says, "Great. I hate surprises." And I'm sure they hate you too. God knows most of the viewers do.

By the time the commercial break is over, Lucy has moved up to the front seat of the car, and she's boring the hell out of Max. After describing her nightmare for him in excruciating detail, she starts bitching about how Roxanne is a "sex kitten" and how Kevin should have proposed to her on Christmas Eve. Boy, that scrunched-up face she makes to show that she's angry sure is unappealing. Max politely refrains from mentioning that spending the evening with Lucy is turning his life into a living nightmare. He even good-naturedly listens to her whining, even when he has to keep driving aimlessly for a while to allow Kevin time to get to his destination. This man is a saint.

RevBong has stopped at a gas station to fill up the tank of the BMW he bought while he was busy scrimping and saving his way through school. While they're waiting, Chandler and Roxanne have a stultifyingly dull conversation about how Chandler doesn't want his hands to smell like gasoline during dinner. They move on to Roxanne propositioning him for sex, which he turns down. She takes it surprisingly well, and tries again. She even manages to turn a conversation about her stab wound into a discussion of why she and Chandler should have sex. She's still not getting any, though.

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7th Heaven




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