Mr. and Mrs. Dopey are making out in his bitchin' DopeMobile. When they pull back from each other, we see Ruthie sitting in the back seat, with her face about eight inches from theirs. Ew -- that is certainly one of the weirder things I've ever seen. ["That sort of reminded me of when Greg had to bring Bobby on his date on The Brady Bunch, and Bobby wound up punching a hole in the roof of Greg's convertible with an umbrella. The writing was a lot better in that instance, though." -- Sars] Plot Contrivance reminds Ruthie about the horse bribe, and then Dopey tells the girl that after he walks PC to the door, he and Ruthie are going to have a long talk. Ruthie sarcastically says, "Looking forward to it." The Dopeys start making out again, ignoring Ruthie when she not-so-subtly reminds them, "I've got school tomorrow."
Laraine and Rabbi Richard are back in the kitchen, moping over the fact that their daughter is engaged to Dopey. Laraine bursts into tears and says, "I'm not so sure they're not married." Oh, come on, people. Just deal with it.
The CamRents are even more annoying, as they indulge in a full-blown weep-fest. Hey, I think it's perfectly okay for men to cry, but I have to be catty and say that RevCam looks completely dorky when he's doing it. It's even worse when Eric starts whining about how sorry he feels for himself. Annie feels sorry for him too. I don't think it's because he looks like an idiot when he cries; it has more to do with the fact that his son is planning to have a Jewish wedding. I'm not sure how I'd feel about that if I were a minister, but doesn't RevCam have another six children, plus Robbie, for whom he could conceivably perform wedding ceremonies? In the grand scheme of things, I'm finding it a little hard to dredge up much sympathy for RevCam, especially when he says that he kind of hopes Matt and PC are already married. Huh? Is he that opposed to a Jewish ceremony? What a dolt. I'm not sure I'm understanding this scene, but I'll just have to put that down to Brenda's craptastic writing.
Up in Simon's room, Lucy is bringing him his dinner on a tray. I know I'm not the only one who noticed the weird flirty vibe going on between these two. They're almost like a married couple themselves as they get down to doing their own speculating about whether or not Dopey and Plot Contrivance are married. Simon decides that they are. Lucy asks if he thinks the Dopeys will still be planning a wedding. Why? Does she really want to wear a puffy pink bridesmaid's dress that badly? Simon thinks there will be a wedding; he also thinks that Dopey and PC will really get into looking at china patterns. Personally, I can picture Dopey decorating his home with nothing but Hello Kitty merchandise. That ought to be a fairly unpleasant surprise for his married-in-haste wife. Lucy uses this opportunity to reminisce about how she and Jeremy used to sit around and plan their own wedding. I know there are plenty of people who marry young and have wonderful lives, but I can't help but feel that eighteen is too young for someone to be spending all her time looking at china patterns. When I was eighteen, I was still decorating with spray-paint and milk crates. Not that you can't do perfectly splendid things with spray-paint. I had the nicest spray-painted gold rotary phone my freshman year in college. In fact, Bell Canada was so impressed with it, they didn't even charge me any damages when I returned the rental phone at the end of the year. Of course, since I had my phone number registered under the name "Flannery O'Connor" that year, there's probably not a whole lot they could have done about finding me. Oh, but where was I? Simon comes over and gives Lucy a hug that's mostly brotherly. There's a weird shot of Happy sniffing at the sandwich Lucy just brought up for Simon's dinner. Maybe that's to cut the incestuous undertones of this whole scene. Simon tries to comfort Lucy by telling her that she's bound to find the perfect guy. He says, "One night when you least expect it, you'll walk into a room, and there he'll be." I think he means one night when she walks into his bedroom with a sandwich on a tray. Simon does nothing to diminish my suspicions when he moves in for another hug.
Mary's sitting in the CamKitchen when Robbie comes in to get a snack from the fridge. She starts soliciting his opinion on the Dopey/Plot Contrivance situation, but Robbie could not be any less interested. She does not fare much better with her next conversational gambit: "I still think about marrying you, you know?" Robbie comes awfully close to laughing in her face, though he just manages to restrain himself. When Mary mentions Joy, Robbie says, "I love her, Mary. And you, you guys are like brothers and sisters to me now." Hey, that's not stopping Simon and Lucy. Mary humiliates herself further by saying that since she'd been shipped off to Buffalo while Robbie was becoming part of the family, she sometimes feels like he's her husband. I know -- that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me either. Mary deepens her shame even more by saying, "Sometimes I fantasize that we're married and we're living with my folks and working our way through college and planning to get jobs and leave and start a family of our own one day." Robbie is still largely unmoved by Mary's repeated attempts to degrade herself. Actually, Mary's almost likeable in this scene, and I'm thisclose to feeling sorry for her, but years of experience have taught me that she's liable to annoy the living shit out of me in the very next scene she's in, so I don't think I'll waste my time.