7th Heaven
I Really Do

Episode Report Card
Cate: F | 1 USERS: A+
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I Really Don't

We don't get to hear them actually talk about sex. There is some more camera trickery to show us that this conversation has been going on for a while, possibly into dessert, though it's hard to tell for sure, since what's on Dopey's plate looks more like birch tree bark than food. Perhaps this explains why he's looking so stunned, but the more likely explanation is that Plot Contrivance has just finished explaining the mechanics of sex to him. Brenda tries to make us think Dopey and PC are going to have sex, but it turns out that they're just talking about talking about sex. And that's every bit as good as real sex, right? It's all a little too much for Dopey, who primly suggests that they not talk about it anymore. He implies that he's in love with Plot Contrivance, which displeases her. Why? Uh, I'm not sure, but maybe you'll be able to make some sense of her next stupid utterance: "I don't want you to tell me that you love me until or unless we say 'I do.'" So, did you get anything at all valuable from that? Me neither.

Dopey checks to make sure that the woman he's dating will demonstrate her adherence to the traditional sexist Camden status quo by getting her to promise that he can be the one to issue a marriage proposal. When she passes his test by agreeing, the big doofus actually gets down on one knee and proposes. Plot Contrivance says she will marry him. They both stand up and start making out, while the restaurant patrons all applaud. How did they know this was a marriage proposal? Maybe Dopey and PC just had the oysters as an appetizer and now they're so horny that they're leaving halfway through dinner to have sex in the back alley. Or maybe I missed something that gave everyone the tip-off while I was busy thanking my husband for not having proposed to me in such a dorky way.

Back at the CamPound, every last one of those damn losers is still standing at the window, staring avidly into the front yard. Either they're waiting for Dopey, or they're receiving signals from outer space. I can understand if they don't want to spend the evening talking to one another, but don't they have a television or something? Some board games? A PlayStation? RevCam suggests, "Maybe I'll just go stand in the middle of the street so we don't miss them." This is not a bad joke -- only it's not a joke. Stephen Collins says it in a way that makes me think it is, but then Robbie suggests, in all seriousness, that he join Eric. Everyone else enthusiastically tags along as Eric starts walking toward the door. Good God, they really are serious! Ruthie says, "It's not gonna do any good for all of us to go out and stand in the street in our pajamas." This leads to the unsettling conclusion that she thinks it would be good if only some of them go out and stand in the street while wearing pajamas. In fact, maybe she'd like it best if Robbie went out and stood in the middle of the street alone while taking off his pajamas.

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7th Heaven

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