7th Heaven
I Really Do

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Cate: F | 1 USERS: A+
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I Really Don't

Out in the hallway, Annie wants to know if Dopey is heading out on a date. He says that he is, so Annie starts badgering him for info about this new girl. Then she tries to coerce him into bringing his date over to the CamPound so that she can grill her about her views on contraception, or examine her teeth, or whatever it is Annie's got in mind. I can't even remember how long I was dating Peeter before we ever arranged any parental meetings. Two years? Three?

In the kitchen, Dopey goes to the fridge and gets a bottle of water. The Camdens are always crying poor, yet they buy expensive bottled water? Why can't they just get a Brita filter like the rest of us poor folks? Dopey drinks his water while Mary and Lucy stare at him. Finally, he uncomfortably says, "What?" Mary asks, "Could we borrow your Brides magazine?" She and Lucy break out into the fakest laughter I've ever heard. Dopey stares them down before saying, "You could, but why would you need to?" He leaves, fake-laughing himself, but when he does it, it's actually funny. The girls look crestfallen, which fills me with disgust. They start speculating on whether Dopey will be married before he gets out of medical school, and Mary demonstrates her stupidity once again by saying, "It's not likely." Mary, that's absurd. Why, he'll be in his late twenties by then! Come to think of it, you better hurry up and get a husband yourself. After all, you're twenty already, and what self-respecting woman isn't married by the age of twenty? Come on! You're just not trying hard enough.

Dopey's in the backyard, taking out a loan from the Bank of Simon. He's a little chagrined because Simon has evidently just dispensed fifty one-dollar bills. Matt must think he'll look like a loser when he goes to pay for his date, as if the hair and the outfit and the personality -- and let's not forget the gold medallion -- wouldn't already have given that away. He complains that he doesn't have time to stop by the ATM, yet he has time to sit around and shoot the breeze with Simon? All right, whatever. After some prodding, Simon comes up with a couple of twenties. When Dopey walks off with all the money, Simon shouts after him, "You plan to spend ninety bucks on some chick you've never even gone out with before?" Relax, Simon. He's probably just planning to take her to a movie and buy her a small popcorn and some Milk Duds. That might be a close call with only ninety dollars, though. He might have to check in at the ATM after all. Oh, but Simon? I'm allowed to call woman "chicks." I'm not sure how I feel about you doing it. Simon adds, "You better marry her!" Har dee har har. Yes, he's been gossiping with other family members about Dopey and his Brides magazine, but since that's par for the course on this show, it hardly seems worth mentioning. We learn that Dopey picked up the magazine from the waiting room of the clinic instead of actually buying it. Does that make me respect him any more? What do you think?

Dopey continues to run the gauntlet of snoopy family members as he encounters Ruthie sitting in the driver's seat of the DopeMobile. Hey, I was freaked out enough when, right after seeing The Blair Witch Project, our car was stolen from the underground car park and there was nothing left but a pile of twigs that had never been there before. I can't even begin to imagine what I'd do if I walked up to my car and saw Ruthie sitting in there in the dark. Yet, amazingly, Dopey does not scream bloody murder. He just submits to her nosy questioning about his date and whether or not the woman is marriage material (he's undecided). Ruthie reassures him that she hasn't told the CamRents about the Brides magazine, but that she did tell the twins. He shouldn't worry about that, though, since as Ruthie points out, the twins "can't communicate." Yeah, but that doesn't stop the writers from giving them lots of terrible lines just the same. Ruthie takes a turn at being the voice of reason when she warns Dopey, "Don't get married just to be getting married." Dopey spews some platitudes about not marrying a woman unless he's in love with her. But isn't that totally at odds with his brilliant plan to marry the next woman he dates? Oh, even trying to contemplate the logistics of all this is giving me a colossal headache. Ruthie tells Dopey, "You worry me." Oddly enough, Matt feels the same way about her. Certainly, most people around here find Ruthie a little scary too, even though it's probably not because of what she refers to as her "brain and [her] good looks." Ruthie adds a warning for Matt not to do anything stupid, but I think we can be pretty sure that will fall on deaf ears. Before she lets him go, she tells him that his boss called and wants him to come in to work that evening. Dopey replies, with a straight face, "But I can't go in. I have a date!" I realize dating is a sacred activity to the CamDorks, but I'm not so sure his boss is going to see it the same way.

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7th Heaven

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