7th Heaven
I Really Do

Episode Report Card
Cate: F | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
I Really Don't

Dopey is staring at Plot Contrivance while she puts about twelve teaspoons of sugar into her coffee. When she learns that Dopey likes his coffee black, PC forces him to drink some of hers. Isn't that romantic? He still prefers his coffee black. She says, "I find that hard to believe. I do." Wait -- shouldn't she be saying "I really do"? Brenda, how could you let a theme mallet moment like that slip past you? The conversation moves on to siblings, and Plot Contrivance says that she is an only child, which is difficult because her parents focus all their smothering attention on her. She's getting away from it all next year when she goes to Columbia, though. Yeah, quite a coincidence that Matt's going there too. How unexpected. We learn that Plot Contrivance is originally from Brooklyn, and that her grandparents still live there. You know, these sorts of conversations can be dull even when you're talking to someone you actually want to sleep with. Why Brenda would think we'd want to know this much about fictional characters as annoying as these is a little more than I can fathom.

Dopey finally gets around to asking what her father does, and seems a little surprised to find out he's a rabbi. Plot Contrivance seems similarly taken aback to learn that Dopey is the son of a minister. At least, I think they're both surprised. Since neither is exactly a master thespian, it's hard to tell. Brenda must have thought so too, since she has them spell it all out for us. Dopey has to explain the difference between Catholicism and Protestantism for his future wife, though in his Cam-centric world, it all boils down to Protestant ministers being allowed to marry. I can't believe a rabbi's daughter bright enough to have been accepted to Columbia would have no idea of what separates Catholics from Protestants, but perhaps Plot Contrivance was too busy memorizing quotes from bridal magazines to ever acquire that knowledge. Looking kind of sad, she says, "You know, I have to say, I didn't see that coming." Neither did Dopey. Plot Contrivance asks, "You had no hint that I was Jewish?" Well, obviously Matt's not as up on his stereotypes as Brenda, or he might have clued in when PC mentioned being from Brooklyn and having a mother who's overbearing. Plot Contrivance says, "So I guess I should say, 'Thank you for the coffee and have a nice life.'" Dopey spookily mentions that he's looking for someone to marry him, not his father, but Plot Contrivance thinks it's her father who will have a problem with her marrying a Christian. Did I miss something here? Like the part where these two actually decided they were going to get married?

Religion be damned, Plot Contrivance obviously finds Matt too scrumptious to pass up, so she asks him for another date the following evening, when she will introduce him to her parents and meet the CamRents. Sounds splendid. The two discuss whether they are actually on a date right now; Plot Contrivance is not sure, since they came in separate cars. Is that another tidbit she picked up from one of her beloved bridal magazines? They don't come to any conclusions on whether this really constitutes a date, so they move on to discuss tomorrow's "real date," which will also include dinner. Plot Contrivance mentions that she likes red meat. Dopey proves how compatible they are by also liking red meat. Wow! I wonder if they both like breathing oxygen too, or maybe they both think it would be scary to die. That would totally clinch the deal. I guess we'll find out in one of their future conversations, which will, no doubt, prove to be as tedious as this one.

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7th Heaven

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