7th Heaven
I Really Do

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Cate: F | 1 USERS: A+
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I Really Don't

We're saved from this stupid discussion when Laraine Newman walks in. She will always be Connie Conehead to me. You know, I used to like her a lot, but I have a feeling this episode is going to change all of that. I did a Google search on her, which revealed that she's been keeping busy doing voice work. That's cool, that's dignified. Appearing on 7th Heaven is neither cool nor dignified. I'm afraid Laraine's funniest line is delivered once she says, "You must be Matt. How lovely to meet you. You do understand why we don't want our daughter to marry you, don't you?" I'm not sure what kind of accent she's trying to do. Generic country club? Rabbi Richard finally gets around to explaining why PC's husband must be Jewish -- if you can call this an explanation: "Our dream is for you to have a nice Jewish husband and raise nice Jewish children and carry on our nice Jewish faith, of which this friend of yours you want to marry knows nothing."

Now, as the daughter of an atheist and a semi-lapsed Lutheran, I won't even pretend to have the qualifications to comment on Jewish customs or traditions. Most of what I've learned I've picked up through friends, a couple of Religious Studies courses, a natural interest in all religions and comments y'all have made in the forum. Heck, I can't even keep track of Christianity, so if I get anything wrong here, please forgive me. Better yet, email me and set me straight. On the other hand, I'm not nearly as clueless as Brenda Hampton, who sometimes reminds me of my stupid ex-friend Ulle, who called one night -- almost halfway through the advanced Religious Studies course we were both taking -- to ask, "So, in the Bible, there's an Old Testament and New Testament, right?"

So, to get back to Rabbi Richard's explanation, I can't help but wonder about a couple of things. First of all, wouldn't Sarah's children be considered Jewish? And secondly, can't Dopey convert? Or if he doesn't want to do that, can't he at least learn enough about Judaism to ensure that he can help teach his children? I realize it's more complicated than that, but people go through interfaith marriages all the time and raise perfectly lovely, well-adjusted children who respect and understand the faiths of both parents. Why can't Dopey and Plot Contrivance? Ah, but I'm forgetting that they're a couple of idiots savants whose only talents are remembering phone numbers and quoting from people interviewed in bridal magazines. Dopey asserts that he can learn about Judaism. You know, I have to wonder why I'm worried about my own scanty knowledge of Jewish custom when Rabbi Richard seems to know even less. Rather than explain why interfaith marriages are traditionally forbidden, Rabbi Richard starts talking some crap about how Matt will be too busy in med school learning about the "new germs and diseases" to learn about Sarah's religion. This makes him sound about as moronic as his future son-in-law. Laraine doesn't help matters any when she keeps laughing as if Richard were the funniest man alive. Uh, he's not. Richard adds, "We just don't think it's appropriate for you to be taking her out to dinner with the intent to find out if the two of you are compatible as man and wife." Plot Contrivance's rejoinder: "What, he should take me to bed?" Dopey looks nauseated by that idea. He swallows it down long enough to tell PC's parents about how much he wants to get to know Sarah better, as if that would change anyone's mind. Laraine explains that while she thinks Dopey is nice (how could she know?), she doesn't want him as a son-in-law. Plot Contrivance decides that she's had enough, so she drags Dopey off on their date. As they're walking out the door, Laraine shouts after PC to take a sweater since it's cold. Hmm, did Brenda manage to fit every stereotype she could think of into that scene? Probably. The only thing that makes me laugh is that when Laraine and Rabbi Richard are commiserating over their daughter's horrible fate, they touch the crowns of their heads together. Isn't that how the Coneheads used to have sex? Er, I mean "Conehead relations."

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7th Heaven

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