Where it all began
A bunch of Santas suddenly run by, because the town JTTs in is having a 5K Santa run for a grand prize of $1,000. And all the competitors are fat and old. JTT enters the race, and then looks around at his competition. Theres one guy who once won a marathon, but then got lung cancer and had a lung removed. The guy coughs and hacks. Oh, thats hilarious. I hope I get lung cancer too, just so I can entertain my friends. Then a black guy runs by. JTT asks a bystander if hes Kenyan. Well, hes black, so of course he is. And of course hes good at running. So that would be two extremely offensive jokes in a row. At this rate, I think Disneys going to beat its previously established offensive-stereotype joke record set by Pocahontas.
Robbies trying to leave town, but his path is blocked by a sawhorse and two men in very elaborate Christmas-tree costumes. Robbie calls them jingle balls because hes so angry. They turn around, and we see that they are wearing police hats from late nineteenth-century London. Um, what? Anyway, it looks like Robbies going to get arrested because he violated Law 135, section 2, paragraph C, No calling police officers from Victorian London jingle balls.
Back at the race, the Santas run by a church with nuns standing outside, cheering and holding up a sign that says, Jesus Loves Santa. Im confused, because didnt SNLs Church Lady say that Santa was bad for the Christmas holiday? And also that the letters in Santa also spell Satan? Wouldnt the nuns agree with this? By the way, that SNL sketch was so much funnier than this movie. All the fat Santas stop at a nearby cookie stand instead of running. This movie is so wrong. Then we see a dog with a Santa uniform on, running, and Im not sure why. Behind him is a bunch of Santas who all fall over unfunnily. Then theres a shot of a lady cheering on the sidelines until her chair falls over. Was that supposed to be funny? Because she probably really hurt herself, and Im concerned. JTT, some guy, and the Kenyan are all tied for first place. Oh wait, the Kenyan pulls ahead. Ah yes, those Kenyans and their inherent running skills. Did you know that everyone in Kenya is really good at running? Babies actually run out of the womb at birth. Its true. The Kenyan guy turns around to point and make fun of JTT and the other guys slowness, and runs into a big Santa sign. That would be funny, except that they then show him on the ground, really hurt and unable to complete the race. I guess it serves him right for being from Kenya and probably not being lucky enough to get visited by missionaries and thus being a follower of some pagan religion and not knowing the true meaning of Christmas. JTT and the other white Christian man race for the finish. JTT wins.