MONDO EXTRAS

JTT makes it to a gas station without dying of thirst or heat exhaustion. But wouldn’t this have been a better movie if he had? Think about it. Then Gary Coleman could have spent the rest of the movie seeking revenge on Robbie. JTT calls his dad and asks him to wire him some money to get home, but Dad doesn’t believe that he’s in the desert in a Santa suit. And doesn’t give him any money. And hangs up on him. Not to worry -- some old lady heard the conversation. JTT appeals to her elderlyness to get a free ride from her and her friends, who are all on their way to a Tom Jones concert in Vegas. Dude, they’re like eighty years old. They were forty when Tom Jones started his career. People my mother’s age are fans of his, not people of an age right between my grandmother and great-grandmother. What an insult to Tom Jones, who did nothing to deserve this. Well, except for the video for “If I Only Knew.” Anyway, the next shot is of the Old Lady Mobile, which is of course a boat car from the fifties. I would point out how stereotypical and wrong it is to have the old ladies drive such a vehicle, but the fact is that my own grandmother drives a car so huge that Chevrolet isn’t allowed to sell it to the general public anymore, so I’m on shaky ground here. JTT has to sit bitch in the car, surrounded by old ladies who enjoy the music of Tom Jones. Oh, a fate worse than death. Then one of them falls asleep, and her dentures fall out into his crotch. All gummy-jawed, she follows them. He responds, “Hey, get out of there!” which I thought he delivered pretty well. I did not find the fact that an elderly person’s dentures fell out funny at all, however. Then a lady in the front seat spins around with a huge open jar of pickles and offers them to the folks in the back seat. Apparently I was asleep when the stereotype that old people like to swing open jars of pickles around emerged. Of course she spills the pickle juice on JTT’s lap, except that this lady is not very good at staged spills and so she basically just launches it at him. Then JTT throws up twice, and the old ladies throw him out of the car and rip off his beard. See, I told you that beard wouldn’t last. ["Was that the director's subtle way of telling us that the rumors about JTT's sexuality are true? Heh. Just kidding, JTT's legal team!" -- Sars]