7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Cate: F | Grade It Now!

At the hospital, RevCam tries to get Dopey to blow off work to listen to Eric talk about his stupid jealousy of SuperMom. Then he admits that he actually wants to discuss Dopey's jealousy of Robbie. Dopey blows up at him. RevCam says, "I'm starting to feel like Lucy did at thirteen." Matt tempers this sexist theory somewhat by pointing out that Lucy is more self-confident than either Matt or Eric now. Huh. That was unexpected. The doofuses swear each other to secrecy about their jealousy issues.

Rather than doing something even remotely worthwhile with her time, Annie is still hassling the twins, trying to get them to call her "Mama." Ruthie twists the knife by asking if any of the other kids ever called anyone else "Mama." They didn't. Ruthie leaves. Annie yells at the twins for not calling her "Mama." Now, that's parenting at its best. No wonder people speak so highly of this fine show.

Mike accosts Lucy and Simon to tell them how thrilled he is that Elaina will be going out with him. Simon excuses himself and doesn't get to hear Mike talk all about the grooviness that is Elaina. Lucy endures it for a bit, then attacks Mike, literally, to make out with him. Elaina, in the background, watches this in anger, while Simon watches with...well, he doesn't have much of a facial expression here. When Lucy's done massaging Mike's tonsils, she asks if it felt like he was kissing his sister. Is this supposed to be some sort of PSA about incest? Apparently the kiss passes Mike's standards, but he's still going to go out with Elaina. He tells Lucy that the kiss came too late. As usual, it's the woman's fault again.

After the commercial break, Mike arrives at the CamPound to lay some more blame. He assumes that because Elaina stood him up, it must be because of something Lucy said to her. What an arrogant prick. Lucy dignifies his stupid assertions by defending herself against them. Yeah, that's self-confidence, all right. She tells him she still has feelings for him, but he attempts to belittle those feelings by sneering, "It's more like you didn't want something until someone else wanted it." As he's walking out the front door, he says, "Fix this, Luce, or we're not gonna be friends." Man, I've never wanted to see anything on this show more than I want to see Lucy sweetly tell him to fix it himself because she doesn't want to be friends with a manipulative asswipe like him. However, I'm sure they'll have Lucy subjugate her personality some more in the interest of pleasing the male here. Excuse me, I think I have to go smash something.

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7th Heaven




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