7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Cate: F | Grade It Now!

Apparently, Ruthie has never seen acne before, so she asks a bunch of dumb questions to prompt Elaina through tonight's PSA on acne. When that's over, Ruthie tries to tell Elaina that Mike really likes her. When Elaina asks how Ruthie knows this, the demon urchin replies, "I know practically everything around here." This gets sort of a disbelieving look from Elaina, which is mildly amusing.

Dopey visits the Sinnin' Premarital Cohabitators' Pad in search of John, but he finds Priscilla instead. He insults and sneers at her decor and tells her how much John must hate it. Aw, isn't it nice that the CamRents brought him up so well? Dopey asks where John sleeps; Priscilla points toward a futon on the floor. It's one of two futons on the floor, so at least the pair don't sleep together. They may still be having sex, but at least they're not sleeping together. What virtuous young role models they are! Dopey keeps calling the furniture "tiny." I'm not sure if this is meant as some sort of racial slur against Asians, but it sure sounds like it to me. Dopey admits his own jealousy and says how happy he is that John must be miserable in the apartment. Ah, that Dopey. He's rude, nasty, unsupportive of his friends, and a bigot to boot! What a prize.

Back at Casa Camden, Elaina is boring the pants off RevCam by bragging about her accomplishments. Well, his pants aren't actually off. It's just an expression, thank God. In a stunning display of illogic, Elaina tries to attribute all her good qualities to the fact that she has acne. I guess the writers wasted too much time with that puerile "Mama" story, and now they don't have time to let RevCam counsel Elaina about the huge chip she wears on her shoulder. Maybe next time! In walk Lucy and Mike. RevCam leaves. Lucy apologizes, and Elaina accepts. Dumb-ass Mike wants chicks to be apologizing to him instead, so he tells Elaina he expects an apology from her. She invites him out for ice cream instead, and the two of them start walking out without a word to Lucy, who just stands there, trying to look brave. At least Mike has the decency to turn around and thank Lucy for her help. Poor pathetic Lucy just wants to know if she and Mike are still friends. Mike rewards her with a cretinous smile and says that they are "good friends." Of course, now that he's found out he can totally control her and make her do anything he wants, he must realize it would be pretty handy to have Lucy around. Now, if only he could harness her guilt instinct in a way that will make her perform certain sexual favours on command.

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7th Heaven




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