Who knew that a leap of faith could be so damn boring? RevCam non-deals with a family we've never seen before who have two children with sickle cell anemia, and it's just a commercial for St. Jude's hospital anyway, which I'm sure is a great place and all, but zzzzz. Peter shows up, accompanied by his dad and his pregnant-ass mom, who want RevCam to marry them before the baby is born. Ruthie uses this time to try to find out what went wrong with her and Peter's relationship, thereby making things go wrong with her current one with Vincent. Kevin does his part by accidentally convincing Vic not to go through with the marriage. Simon comes home to hear his STD test results, and, when he finds out he's all clear, becomes super-churchy and starts saying God a lot and wearing a cross necklace while his dad, WHO IS A PASTOR, laughs at him and shakes his head. Martin is still somehow dating Zoe, and she convinces him to stay out late on a school night. He leaves his cell phone behind and misses a call from his dad, and blames it all on Zoe, of course. In the end, Vic and Paris have their wedding, the random sickle cell family come to watch on their way to St. Jude's, and Martin's cell phone rings in the middle of the service. It's The Marine, and he's coming home.
We open in the Glenoak Hospital. I'm hopeful that this means RevCam finally got the Big One, but we soon see him alive and roaming the halls, and my heart sinks. He's just making his snooping rounds, and soon finds a room full of parishioners whose lives he can insert himself into. He lies that he hopes he's not intruding, and we meet Lynn and her two daughters, Tonya and Kristy. RevCam says he was just here to check on Tonya, who is our hospital patient. She responds with a weak thumbs-up that I'd like to think was more of a "get out of my room!" gesture than an "I'm okay." Lynn tells us that Tonya just had a blood transfusion, and Kristy will be having hers next week. This, Lynn says, is "the usual." "I know it's tough," says RevCam, except that he totally doesn't know how tough it is. Lynn asks to speak to RevCam outside, and they leave the room, but not before RevCam can nag the two sick kids to come to church on Sunday, because regular church attendance should be your first concern if you're in the freaking hospital.
Outside, Lynn bitches to RevCam about she's been bumped down to part time at her job, because, as we know, all Glenoak business owners are heartless bastards who will fire you if your wife dies, when they aren't stealing your prosthetic arm. On the bright side, says Lynn, less work means she gets to spend more time with her kids. Anyway, the real issue here is that Russell, Lynn's ex-husband, is back in town. He walked out on his wife and kids when their youngest child was diagnosed with sickle cell anemia, and has limited his contact with them since then to birthday and Christmas cards and financial support. Now, out of nowhere, he wants the girls to live with him in Memphis. Memphis is in Tennessee, which adds yet another state to the CamUnited States of America, of which there are now six or seven. Lynn obviously has a few problems with Russell's plans, and wants RevCam to talk to him, and she'd rather not be present. This works out great for both parties, as Lynn doesn't have to see her horrible ex-husband, and RevCam gets to involve himself in some serious family disputes that are none of his business. Just the way he likes it.
And for our Opening Credits Timewaster, Ruthie and SamVid set the table. But -- oh, hilarity! -- Vid sets the table wrong, then Ruthie corrects it, and then Sam screws it up again! Watching the "comedy" of errors is Happy, who is bored to tears. Finally, Ruthie yells at the twins to set the table the right way. They refuse to do this, saying they have their own way of setting the table. The twins are getting feisty these days! Stupid, but feisty. Suddenly, Simon enters for a surprise visit. Lucy bounds downstairs, sees Simon, and immediately starts sniping at him that she and Kevin have been trying to get in touch with Simon for weeks. Before she can blab that it's about his STD test results, Simon flashes her a look and she stammers that they just wanted to see how he was doing. "I'm fine," says Simon. "Yeah, well, you coulda let someone know," snaps Lucy. Ruthie looks around all, "I'm pretty stupid, but even I have figured out that something is going on here." Lucy tries to cover by asking Ruthie how she is, like Lucy is just concerned about her siblings' welfares in general. Ruthie says she's fine. SamVid report that they are fine as well, even though no one inquired as to their condition. "I'm a new mother!" Lucy volunteers. Happy whines in pain.