7th Heaven
Let's Talk About Sex

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Sara M: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Let's Not, and Say We Did

After the obligatory establishing shot of the CamPound, night version (which would be just like the day version, but dark, with cricket sounds, and with the red Fisher-Price car apparently garaged for the night), Jordan walks through the CamDen carrying Lucy over his shoulder. Wow, when I said that this show had antiquated views on relationships, I was thinking "1950," not "50,000 B.C." I guess I was a little off. Mary walks in, and Jordan reminds her about "tomorrow night." Mary looks annoyed and leaves the room, bonking Jordan on the head with a book as she passes him. At least Mary uses books for something; it's pretty obvious that she doesn't read them. Lucy gives Jordan what looks like a major wedgie and commands him to put her down. He grunts, then does so. Lucy demands to know what Mary and Jordan are doing together tomorrow night; last Lucy heard, Jordan was going to a "basketball thing," and Mary was going to a sleepover party with the girl's basketball team. Because Lucy is an idiot, she does not figure out that these two events could somehow be related. Mary's voice howls down to Lucy from upstairs that Annie wants to see her, enabling Jordan to make a quick getaway. Well, as quick as a fish-lipped caveman can move, anyway.

Lucy runs upstairs and meets Mary, who tells her that Annie doesn't really want to see Lucy; Mary just told Lucy that so that she and Lucy could talk. About girl's basketball team sleepovers. And how last week's included the boy's basketball team and tomorrow night's will as well. Lucy's jaw drops at the scandal of it all. Mary explains that her teammate Corey's parents let the boys and girls hang out in the basement and watch movies. Surely this can't be the same Corey that we see only one season later telling Mary how she never had people over at her house because she had a secret daughter. Oh wait, this is 7th Heaven we're talking about, where continuity exists in an entirely different universe in which our rules of logic don't apply, so I'm sure it's exactly the same Corey. Lucy expresses surprise that their strict parents would let Mary go to a co-ed sleepover, to which Mary responds that they don't exactly know about it. Oh, there Mary goes again, acting like a totally normal teenager while her actions are portrayed as atypical, irredeemable, and stupid. I would say that only one of the three is applicable here. Lucy asks when Mary and Jordan were planning to tell Lucy about this. Mary says that she wasn't going to tell her at all. Lucy asks whether anyone is "kissing, or making out, or having sex" at the sleepovers. Mary says that the presence of twenty or so other people in the room kind of makes intimate moments impossible, but Lucy says she doesn't believe her. Well, why did she ask if she thought she knew the answer already? I hate when people do that.

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7th Heaven

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