7th Heaven
Let's Talk About Sex

Episode Report Card
Sara M: D+ | Grade It Now!
Let's Not, and Say We Did

Mary and Matt walk away from the site of the sinful sleepover party. Because he is a self-righteous ass, Matt does not help Mary carry any of her luggage. They pile into the car, whereupon Mary informs Matt that she is never going to speak to him again. He says that she will speak to him, and that he will speak to her and Lucy. From the back seat, Lucy asks if it's possible that no one could speak to the CamRents about this. Come on now, Lucy: you know that Matt absolutely lives for the chance to tell your parents about your and your sister's sex lives.

Back at the CamPound, we see that Jordan the fish-lipped tattling loser has already arrived and told the CamRents his side of the story. RevCam -- who is now wearing an ugly grey cardigan -- asks where Matt and Lucy are now, and Jordan says that he thinks they went to pick up Mary. Annie asks why they would be doing that, and Jordan says that Matt seemed upset that the sleepover was co-ed. RevCam's eyes widen in shock and Jordan realizes that the CamRents didn't know about the co-ed factor of the sleepover either. Annie looks like she's about to cry and RevCam paces and hits the top of the doorway with his hand. Wow, he must be really pissed. Eric says that he respects Jordan for coming to the CamPound to tell the truth, but that he now has "some truths" for Jordan. He says that Jordan is older than Lucy and, because he's athlete, has probably already has "some experience." But...I thought Girl One said that athletes were less likely to have sex! ["Only girl athletes -- and that's probably because boys don't like girls with big muscles anyway." -- Wing Chun] RevCam says that Jordan and Lucy may not be alone together outside of the house. Annie adds that she would like to see Jordan at the house more often, to which RevCam turns to her all like, "What? No! We don't want that! We have enough damn kids!" Annie ignores RevCam and adds that she wants to get to know Jordan better and maybe even meet his parents. Maybe he could drop by sometime with "one, or the other, or both, if you'd like!" Both? Annie's out of control! Annie concludes that she thinks that Jordan is responsible and honest, and that he respects her daughter, and that she likes that.

RevCam leads Jordan out of the house, saying that he probably doesn't want to be there when Lucy, Mary, and Matt come home. Too late! The three are walking in just as Jordan is leaving. Lucy's jaw drops in shock for about the seventeenth time this episode as Mary and Matt take turns throwing their arms up exasperatedly. Jordan says he'll call Lucy tomorrow, and leaves. Annie and RevCam stare angrily at the girls. "I've already talked to 'em," Matt says smugly, stopping just short of polishing his nails on his ugly jacket as he does so. The CamRents tell Matt to go to bed. He leaves. Annie says that she will speak to Mary in the kitchen, while Lucy will speak to RevCam in the CamDen. I'm not sure who got the better deal there. Suddenly, Matt comes running back downstairs and asks if anyone would mind if he videotaped the conversations for his project. They don't. I would -- quite a bit, actually. In fact, I don't think I know anyone who would be even remotely agreeable to the prospect of having a greasy-haired loser sticking a camera in his or her face for any reason, let alone for a sex class project.

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7th Heaven




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