7th Heaven
Let's Talk About Sex

Episode Report Card
Sara M: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Let's Not, and Say We Did

Simon comes into Ruthie's room, where she tells him that she's been there, done that babysitting thing with Matt, Mary, and Lucy, and that she doesn't want to do it with him. Simon says that if Ruthie lets him babysit, he'll split what their parents pay him fifty-fifty. Ruthie laughs at the idea that he'll get paid at all (guess the church collection plate was running low this week), and then says that the only way she'll agree to let him babysit is if he lets her do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. He agrees as long as it doesn't involve knives, fire, or cars. Stupid Simon -- you forgot to ban napalm, which I'm absolutely sure Ruthie has lying around her room somewhere. Maybe behind that dollhouse? Oh sure, it looks innocent with its gingerbread trim, but I think I see a false bottom. Simon and his sister shake on their "deal," and Simon walks away, quite pleased with himself. Ruthie laughs in stereotypical evil-villain-fashion. That girl ain't right.

Matt walks to his car, where he is approached by two girls, who ask Matt out for pizza. HA! HA! HA! What a funny, though cruel, joke to play on Matt, pretending to ask him out like that. Oh, but wait -- they're serious! How sad to see two fairly attractive women be so desperate at such a young age. Matt turns them down because he needs to work on his sex project. Hey, Matt: if you play your cards right, pizza with two girls could very well become your project. Girl One says she already turned in her project. Suck-up. She says that she interviewed teenage female athletes about why women who play sports tend not to get pregnant. "You can't get pregnant if you're playing basketball!" she says. Well, what if you went for a lay-up and came back down on some guy's penis? I don't know a whole lot about basketball, but I'm sure it could happen. Matt says that this is good to hear because one of his younger sisters plays basketball. Why does Matt always mentally connect his sisters to sex and vice versa? Actually, you know what? Don't even answer that; I don't want to know. Girl Two declares that she'll be interviewing couples who have been together for more than fifty years and still have "great sex." She says this smiling instead of cringing, like I am right now. Also, is the entire student body of Crawford Clown College taking this class? Matt says that he hasn't thought of a topic yet, which surprises both girls. "You look like you think about [sex] all the time," says Girl Two. I'm pretty sure that that's an insult, so I'll forgive Girl Two for asking him out for pizza. She's obviously come to her senses. Girl One, however, appears to be a lost cause.

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7th Heaven

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