7th Heaven
Let's Talk About Sex

Episode Report Card
Sara M: D+ | Grade It Now!
Let's Not, and Say We Did

Crazy Roger -- who looks nothing like the menacing hulk of barely-suppressed rage I was expecting (and, to tell you the truth, hoping for) -- walks up to RevCam and asks what Eric wanted to meet with him about. RevCam says that Cassie was hoping he would be interested in "joining [them]," meaning the baby class. Roger thinks that RevCam is trying to get him to join the church, and says he has no interest in religion, and that he only came to meet with RevCam because his friend saw Cassie recently and said that she looked "sick or something." Oh, that's great. What exactly, Roger's friend, did you think Cassie was "sick" with? What illness could possibly explain her sudden and extreme weight gain in the lower abdominal region? Severe gas? Unchecked internal bleeding? A huge, rapidly-growing tumor? Idiot. Roger says he assumed that RevCam wanted to meet him to tell him that Cassie was dying. And this would be one of those times when the saying "when you assume, you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'" rings so very, very true. Sam -- whose illiteracy apparently renders him unable to read between the lines and stay out of important conversations -- walks up and congratulates Roger on being a father. Roger is all, "Say WHAT?" and RevCam is all, "Oh, whoops, I thought you knew," and the Sad Guitar is all, "Pling pling pling strummmmm."

Matt enters his room, tosses his school stuff on the bed, and starts to read a book. He's just about to get to the part where Curious George's misadventure turns out to be fortunate for all involved, thus allowing the Man in the Yellow Hat to forgive him, when Lucy walks in. Matt is rude to her at first, but then apologizes, saying he's just frustrated about not having an idea for his sex project: "I'm starting to feel like there's something wrong with me because I have nothing to say about sex." There is, and you don't. Matt pauses, then says that he shouldn't have even brought sex up in front of his "baby" sister, "even though [he knows Lucy] and Mary talk about it all the time." He says this wistfully, no doubt wishing that he, too, could take part in these scintillating discussions. Matt asks Lucy if Mary's using the sleepover as a cover to sneak out with a guy. Lucy puts the brakes on Matt's fantasies by telling him that Mary is indeed going to a sleepover. Lucy suggests that Matt do his project about "first time experiences." Matt says that Lucy's idea is so great that he can't believe that she, of all people, thought of it. Lucy snaps that Matt shouldn't be so surprised since she is fifteen and she knows "a thing or two about life." Okay, I'll give Lucy one or two things, but I draw the line there. There's no way that someone as pathetic and sheltered as Lucy knows three or more things about life.

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7th Heaven




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