What could Kevin possibly be doing that's more important than talking to Patty Mary? Why, he and his brother are busy looking at Lucy's and Mary's high school yearbooks. That (along with the playing of Celine Dion or Whitney Houston songs) is the sort of thing you do at the end of the night when you have party guests who won't take the hint and leave, so I'm a little surprised that Lucy and Mary are subjecting guys they like to that torture. Ruthie dances around the subject of Mary's aborted basketball career, which forces Mary to tell the story of getting arrested -- you know, around the time when she first started her downward spiral. Then Ruthie informs them that Jimmy Plywood, Lucy's ex, was arrested for possession of marijuana. This makes Mary and Lucy angry, very angry indeed. They call Ruthie into the closet -- yes, the closet -- for a little sisterly meeting.
I was half-expecting them to find Simon in the closet, but they don't. The older girls launch right into their confrontation of Ruthie, but this is interrupted when Simon walks into the closet (tee hee) with the phone. After interrogating Patty Mary for a while, he has finally decided to let her speak to Kevin, I guess. Lucy is thrilled to find out that Patty Mary is Kevin's sister, though I think she's jumping the gun a little with the happiness thing, considering that she has yet to meet the girl and find out just how impolite and surly she is. We hapless viewers are not so lucky, as Patty Mary rudely orders her brothers to go home. And get this -- she has actually flown from San Francisco to Glenoak to ensure that the guys go back to Buffalo.
Eric still hasn't left for his counseling session. He finally finds the household ledger that's supposed to hold the phone bill, but all that's in it is a stamped envelope with a check to the phone company. RevCam rips it open, wasting the stamp and tearing the check in the process. He's absolutely crazed, but who wouldn't be if they were trying to figure out "the answer to the mystery of the Matt universe," as RevCam is? Of course, I think the more compelling question here is why anyone would have any interest in mystery of the Matt universe in the first place, but that's just me. The phone rings again, and Annie calls down, "Eric!" in a really irritated tone of voice. So the RevLoser is still playing hooky from his job in order to stalk his children. That is so sad.
Eric finally arrives at the church and apologizes to the couple who have been waiting for him forever. He says he has something "going on at the house." Obviously, the guy who's here for counseling has ESP and can sense that what RevCam's got going on must be very boring, since this man is already falling asleep less than a minute after he's met Eric. His wife wakes him up, and we learn that this couple's problem is that their son ran away from home -- their forty-five-year-old, non-disabled son. So there really is a family more dysfunctional than the Camdens. Frankly, I'm a little surprised. Mrs. Control Freak explains that their son, Jeremiah, has moved in with "a certain Jezebel," even though he doesn't have enough money saved up for that. RevCam suggests that they call Jeremiah to his office so they can all talk, but I suspect his real reason for asking is because he wants to see what kind of freak son these losers raised. I know I'm curious.