You can tell it's Sweeps Month, all right, because those wacky WB promo producers are having fun with the teasers again, trying to make us believe that not only are the Camdens "one of America's favourite families" but also that they are about to be "exposed" in a "Camden family scandal." That leads me to suspect that the person who wrote this gem of a teaser must have failed to watch the episode it's promoting. Hell, has he or she ever seen the show? That's okay, I'll just go on believing it's a WB in-joke. There's no other explanation, really.
Before I begin the recap proper, I want to give a special shout-out to my new office chair. Spending time with the Camdens is a little less painful when I know I can take mindless-fun breaks to propel myself around my apartment -- and believe me, after a few viewings of 7th Heaven, mindless fun is about all I'm up for. Hmm, I can't think of any other diversionary tactics, and anyway, I can't avoid the show forever. Okay, here goes.
We start with Ruthie's teacher, Ms. Beasley, saying, "And they all lived happily ever after." The teacher's obviously been telling a fairy tale or something, but it occurs to me that those words pretty much summarize and dismiss the entire CamFam experience with one hatchet blow. She goes on to ask if the kids liked the story. They all happily yell, "Yeah!" Aren't they a little old to be so happy about story time? I'm not saying it's wrong to enjoy a good story; I'm just questioning -- and not for the first time -- if the writers have ever had any contact with something the rest of us call "reality," or if they've culled all their knowledge of human nature through children's literature from the 1950s. By the way, I'm a little freaked out by Ms. Beasley, because she's wearing this thing around her neck that looks somewhat like one of those S&M collars. She asks the class, "What makes a good story?" Oh, cool, maybe this will give us some insight into the writers' modus operandi. The first answer is, "It sounds real even if it's just made up." Hmm, surprising. That describes so few scenes of 7th Heaven from this season that I always just assumed the scenes that were realistic were a fluke. Next: "It's fun to listen to." Okay, I'll buy that. I really do derive a lot of pleasure from mocking this show, and I know many of you do too. The last response is, "You can learn something from it." There's a whole forum topic devoted to this very subject, so I won't even get into it, except to say that far too many views I've "learned" from watching 7th Heaven are too depressingly reactionary for me to discuss without crying. Ms. Beasley informs the kids that they are to come up with stories to tell in front of the class. She adds that the winner will receive five bucks, which causes the kids to cheer way too much. Is it even legal for teachers to give out monetary prizes like that? The bell rings, and as the students leave the classroom, Ruthie talks to a little blonde girl, who actually looks more like a little Dutch boy. I've never seen her before, and I have to say I do think it's kind of sad that Ruthie can't seem to keep any friends longer than one episode. Dutch Boy says she won't be able to think of a story, Ruthie offers to help her, and some really asinine jokes are made that I won't dignify by repeating.