Lights up on a city hospital. People in scrubs move rapidly though the corridor until we follow one scrubbed-up guy (complete with white carrying caddy of medical "equipment") to a room, where he says to a reclining woman, "The vampire returns." She looks miffed and whines, "A-GAIN." He says, "Sor-ry!" She says it doesn't hurt as much as having a ten-pound baby push its way out of you. Or, say, recapping 7th Heaven without beers. Oh, wait; I have beers. Sir Scrubs begins to tie off the complaining woman to suck her blood, blah blah. She asks, "You a medical school student?" No, he's just some guy that wandered in off the street. Some creepy guy that means you ill will. In fact, if this were Six Feet Under, I'd say this lady is about to be deceased. But this is SevHev, and...oh, snap. Creepy stuff happens all the time on SevHev! Anyway, Sir Scrubs says that he and his wife are both "medical school students" from California, but he's a "licensed phlebologist," who needs money so he "took this job." And he can keep people from passing out at the sight of needles, ha ha. Also, they have no kids. Holy exposition, Sir Scrubs. Then his wife knocks on the door, and he says, "That's my wife." He finishes up with Complaining Lady and heads out the door with the missus. What a boring-ass intro scene.
Sir Scrubs asks how Missus's "appointment with the witch doctor" went. She didn't get to go, as her doc "had an emergency." He drops off the blood he just drew, and they move rapidly down the corridor together and head into a supply closet. They smooch a bit, and then she says she doesn't want to be pregnant; that's why she's on the pill. Sir Scrubs says that "evidently," he's "stronger than any pill." Oh, boy. Maybe the pill Sir Scrubs is cancels out the pill she takes? That must be one bitter pill. We learn via exposition that they took three home pregnancy tests, and they all came up baby-baby-pirate. And pirates are wild, if you get my Simpsons reference. Sir Scrubs says that "it's a blessing" and they should "take whatever comes." In nine months. They kiss, and hug, and hug and kiss some more. The oboe and violin noodle to the tune of "things are difficult, but everything will probably be all right, in a manner of speaking." Should I know who these people are? Is this Chandler...Hampton's brother? Shit. OH! It's Barry Watson, right? It is.