Xtina lets herself into the kitchen. Eric says, "Hello. Do I know you?" He does not add, "Biblically?" She's Xtina, Lucy and Simon's friend. Simon barges in and is all, "Can I talk to Xtina alone?" Eric exits, and Simon is all, "Why didn't you tell me?" He does not add, "Or do me?" Xtina also has a speech inside her, dying to be let out. I wonder how Simon feels, all being in the season finale and having to kick off special guest star Tara Lipinski's big monologue? It can't feel good. Xtina says Simon "wouldn't understand what it was like to have a past," and that she "didn't want to give this family up." Simon tells her about the stupid sexless escort service he used to run, and that he "always understood that it was wrong. Sex, companionship, friendship, it shouldn't be bought or sold...why don't you stick around. Let my dad help you out." Xtina is all, "If it's okay, maybe I will. So this means..." Simon tells her to "save [her] money for something other than a prom dress. Maybe an apartment, tuition, books." They smile at each other. Come on, one for the road!
Finally, Chandler...Hampton and Dan Lauria meet. Chandler is especially hoarse and whispery. I call it Tori Syndrome. It makes me yell, "WHAT?!" at the TV. Chandler just missed his brother Sid. Dan asked Sid to quit smoking on the day he died. Chandler says hoarsely that Sid won't quit smoking until he dies himself. What a fun family. Dan says Sid'll listen to Chandler. And he met Eric. Chandler whispers, "How'd that go." Dan says he was tough. Oh, and that he hates what Chandler is doing with his life. Hey, guess who else has a speech inside him, dying to get out? It's just that kind of season finale. Speechy, preachy, and, well, dull. Chandler says he had to face his dying dad "for himself, "and suddenly both their eyes are wet with tears. Chandler says he shouldn't have sent someone to face his father for him. Dan says, "Well, here I am, face me." I start to laugh again. Face me, baby! Face me all night long! What's that? You won't? Well, face you, man. What? Face me? No, face YOU! Chandler is all, "You think this is easy for me?" Dan Lauria reminds Chandler that he's dying of lung cancer. Chandler whispers, "What if we start over again, right now. Forget the past." I'm all, WHAT? TALK LOUDER! Dan is all, "Could you do that?" Chandler whispers, "Could you?" Dan "could give it a try." Chandler's all, "Okay." BORING! Chandler asks if his dying dad "still like[s] the Yankees?" Hee.