7th Heaven
Life Is Too Beautiful

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Mr. Stupidhead: D | Grade It Now!
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Life Is Too Beautiful

RevCam gains a new appreciation for life. Mary sucks at Trigonometry. Matt has trouble with his girl. Simon shaves. Lucy figures out what she is going to do for the rest of her life. Ruthie gives annoying commentary. Mr. Stupidhead takes a bath with a plugged-in toaster.

We start in the kitchen at Ma Camden's Family Feedbag, where the family has just finished supper, and are clearing their plates. Ruthie of Unknown Origin enters and asks SuperMom whether the family is going to be "eating like this every night." SuperMom replies, "Like what?" "Like fish." "Yes. Did you like it?" Ruthie (as Simon enters): "It was very delicious, in a way." Then SuperMom goes off on some diatribe about the semantics of the word "delicious," and makes very close to NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Anyhow, by the time SuperMom has ended her speech, The Dynamic Duo has entered, and SuperMom asks them what they thought about the evening's entrée, to which they respond, "Loved it." Mary: "Now can we go get a burger and fries?" Lucy: "We're starving." SuperMom tosses them the keys, and the Dynamic Duo is off (to fight crime or something). Ruthie and Simon follow. Matt enters (just missing the party train) with the babies and SuperMom asks him if he got enough to eat at dinner. He says he did, but he ate before he came to dinner. Enter RevCam, seemingly in a state of awe and wonderment, who says, "What a wonderful meal. Maybe the best meal I've ever had in my life." SuperMom: "That's what you said last night. And the night before." RevCam: "No, really. The fish was just the right texture. It was flaky, moist, succulent. I feel as though I was dining in a deep blue sea surrounded by love." And you thought the fish was flaky? Whatever. After this monologue, he approaches SuperMom and plants a fat juicy kiss on her. Matt looks as though he might hurl. After the kiss, RevCam announces his belief that "life is beautiful" and exits. Matt: "Maybe a little too beautiful?" SuperMom: "Yeah." Matt: "Hungry?" SuperMom: "A burrito supreme and a churro. Don't be long." Matt books his booty outta there, and we fade to the opening credits. But before we do, could someone tell Ruthie to shut up for me? Thanks. 'Preciate it.

Car commercials piss me off.

Morning at the Camden abode, where we hear singing. Apparently, the rest of the family thinks it's a bit early for singing; even Happy is whimpering. Ruthie walks into the master bedroom, where SuperMom is also trying to catch some Z's despite the caterwauling from the kitchen. Ruthie: "He's singing again. He never used to sing." SuperMom: "It's okay. Your father's just happy, so he's sharing that happiness daytime, nighttime, all the time! Anyway, let's just get under the covers and see if we can't sleep another minute or two." So they both get cozy under the blankets, and the singing, which has ceased for a moment, begins again. Ruthie and SuperMom both slap their hands against their foreheads. Simon slips on a banana peel, and Mary and Lucy do a tap routine. Just kidding.

Cut to RevCam in the kitchen, juicing fruit and singing, "Do Lord, oh, do Lord, oh, do remember me," all while on the phone. Cut to Matt's dirty-ass new apartment where he and John are searching frantically for the ringing phone. When Matt finally finds and answers it, the line is dead. Matt: "They hung up again!" John: "Man, when I find out who keeps calling here..." Matt: "What happened to the alarm? I gotta get to work!" John thinks they need to clean the apartment when Matt gets back. Yeah, sure. Anyway, back to the kitchen at Casa Camden, where Annie is asking Eric why he is up so early. He tells her that he was calling Matt, just to check up. Annie tells him that he needs to stay off the phone, it'll make him build up stress again, blah blah blah heart attack. RevCam: "I'm not stressed. Life gave me a second chance, now I'm gonna give life a second chance. Wanna dance?" Annie obliges, exasperated, and they waltz past a bewildered (but still annoying) Ruthie, who gazes at her parents dancing, then once again slaps herself on the forehead before leaving. Shut up, Ruthie.

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7th Heaven

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