7th Heaven

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | 714 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Monkey Sex And Strumpets

Mary tells Kyle that it's not cool that he tricked them into dating him and his brother. He says that he never tricked her -- he called and said he was her brother's friend, and he is Simon's friend. If she assumed he was Matt's friend, that's her fault, not his. He looks pretty pleased with himself, as Lucy glares at Mary for being so damn stupid that she didn't realize that the kid she was talking to on the phone hadn't hit puberty yet.

Post-prom, Matt and Connie sit on the steps outside the high school. Connie and Matt say that they had fun, and then agree that it's too early to go home, and then they smooch as the scene fades out. I am so nervous about Matt losing his virginity. Stay strong, Matt! Promise Keep!

RevCam and Ruthie talk in her bedroom as ABC Family uses the bottom left corner of my television screen to remind me to watch Dance Fever. Well, that was funnier than any of the intentional jokes on this show. RevCam tells Ruthie that he didn't know that Ruthie was under the impression that Snappy was a real dinosaur. Ruthie says she isn't anymore, and even worse, Snappy is her dad's old girlfriend and she talks in a baby voice. You know, Snappy probably skipped her speech therapy appointment just to see you, Ruthie, and you repay her by mocking her speech impediment? That's pretty harsh. RevCam psychobabbles on about how babies prefer to be spoken to in baby-talk, but no one cares, so he asks Ruthie about her newfound atheism. He lays on the guilt: "It kind of gets me right in the heart, because God is so real to me." Ah, so the mystery of RevCam's heart problems are solved: it was all Ruthie's non-believing fault. Also, if God is so real to RevCam, you'd think that he would actually talk about Him more. Or at least have, like, one picture of Jesus somewhere in the house. Ruthie says that you can't see God. RevCam launches into a sort-of sweet speech about how you can't see wind, pain, or happiness, but you can see their results in waving trees, tears, and smiles, so you know they're real. Ruthie cares not for such poetry; she just wants to know if something bad will happen to her if she doesn't believe in God, and if something good will happen to her if she does. And therefore Ruthie shows us how religion becomes the opiate of the masses. RevCam says that he believes in God, and that both good and bad things have happened to him. I would say more bad things than good, seeing as how he's married to Annie and all of his kids suck. RevCam says that believing in God helps him get through the bad things, and then he can enjoy the good things. For example, it was bad that Ruthie went backstage to see Snappy, but it lead to the conversation they're having right now, which is good. Then he notices that his rude-ass daughter fell asleep while he was talking. RevCam puts her doll next to her head and sighs. By the way, Ruthie's doll? African-American. I wonder what the prop department is trying to tell us there.

7th Heaven

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