7th Heaven
Like A Harlot

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Sara M: C- | Grade It Now!
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Monkey Sex And Strumpets

Finally, about halfway through the episode, the theme song starts up. Even though Annie's poodle hair is gone, it still lives on in the opening credits. That's unfortunate for everyone.

The Opening Credits Timewaster may be the best one ever. Annie looks at an ad for the Snappy show and then determinedly calls the phone number on it. An answering message picks up and plays annoying clown music as a lady's voice says, "Hi, your call is important to Snappy. Please don't hang up. Your call is important to Snappy. Please don't hang up." This repeats itself over and over again as we see a montage of Annie preparing dinner. She even grates fresh Parmesan cheese. Only wicked families with evil working mothers eat that Kraft Parmesan Cheese in the green can. With the entire dinner made and the answering machine still going, Annie screams into the phone that she can't take it anymore. Ah, sweet justice. After all the times that I've shouted exactly the same thing to my TV set when this show is airing, it's really gratifying to see a Camden feel just like me. Suddenly, a real person picks up. Annie demands tickets to the show. "I'm sorry," the lady says in this great smirky, syrupy-sweet, fake-nice voice, "the Snappy show is sold out." "You mean I've been on hold all this whole time for nothing?" Annie says. "Yes, you have," the lady responds awesomely. Ever persistent, Annie asks if they have standing-room-only tickets. "No, I don't," the lady says. Annie snarls out a thank you, to which the lady says, "No, thank you, and have a Snappy good day," as Annie makes horrid faces at the phone, then presses the "end" button with great hostility. Congratulations, Snappy Show Phone Lady, you have entered my Top Five Best 7th Heaven Characters Ever list at number two, right behind Betty the Evil Smoker.

Ruthie skips into the room just in time to hear the bad news that Snappy tickets are unavailable, as the show has been sold out for the last three weeks. Where did Annie get that three weeks figure from? The Snappy Show Phone Lady didn't say that, and I would know, since I watched her scene fifteen times because it was so awesome. I guess Annie's just lying to her kids again. Ruthie is so upset about missing Snappy that she won't even be placated by the prospect of having her favorite dish, lasagna, for dinner. She says she's too depressed to eat, and leaves. Annie looks sad, but I can't tell if it's because she didn't get the tickets or because her daughter is a spoiled brat.

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7th Heaven

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