7th Heaven
Like A Harlot

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Monkey Sex And Strumpets

The next day at the CamPound, Annie is dialing and hanging up the phone over and over again as RevCam comes in. Either she's decided to drop all pretense of calling people to talk and is skipping right to the hanging up, or she's trying to call a radio show to win Snappy tickets. "I'm hoping I'll get lucky!" she says. Girl, last time you got lucky, Ruthie came into our lives, so maybe that's not such a good idea. RevCam's all, "Snappy? Oh, I know Snappy!" Annie pooh-poohs this, saying that everyone knows Snappy and that's why she can't get tickets. No, RevCam says, he dated the lady who plays Snappy when he was in high school. Annie's face contorts in jealousy briefly, then untwists as she says that RevCam should call Snappy and beg for tickets. RevCam is hesitant until Ruthie comes downstairs, wearing a solid black cap that looks like it should be in an N.W.A. video. RevCam tells her that he went to school with Snappy. She says something lame like "cool school," and then says that if RevCam doesn't get her Snappy tickets, then she'll sic Ice Cube and D.J. Yella on his honky ass. RevCam says he'll try, but Ruthie shouldn't count on it. I have to say, I really like RevCam and Ruthie's interactions. Annie is always fake and baby-talky with Ruthie, but RevCam never talks down to her; he just phrases certain things a little simpler, much like he talks to Mary. I think it's cute. But what's not cute is when a still-freaked-out Simon comes downstairs, looks at his parents, and then grabs his lunch and runs out the door.

Matt comes downstairs, and RevCam asks if he's asked Connie out yet. Matt says no. It's only been, like, twelve hours, RevCam, and most of them were overnight. RevCam needs to learn patience. And maybe he can also learn how to respect people's privacy while he's at it, since the next thing RevCam asks Matt is if he'll tell Eric why he didn't want to go with Connie in the first place. Matt says that RevCam will figure it out soon enough. Not soon enough for me. And here come Lucy and Mary, bounding down the stairs in unison! They greet their parents and then leave. Matt follows. RevCam says that his kids are weird. Annie agrees. The apple and the tree, Annie and RevCam. The apple and the tree. Annie ends the scene by nagging RevCam to call Snappy.

At school, Matt runs up to a woman who looks like a red-headed version of Shana, a.k.a. Chickenhead. Okay, I know I'm giving away the Secret about Connie by saying this, but really, does anyone care? Connie is supposed to be the "school slut," and she's wearing a ribbed, striped T-shirt with longish sleeves, a sweatshirt tied around her waist, and khaki pants. Yeah, her nipples are erect, but I'm not going to hold it against a girl that it's cold outside. Yes, it's sort of stereotypical to say this, but this is not how the school slut dresses. I mean, seriously, I've seen my mother wearing a similar outfit. I know it's difficult to find modern, realistic styles when your choices are limited to the Sears and JC Penney's junior miss department, but come on, 7th Heaven costumers, try a little harder. Put some heart into it. Ask yourselves if you would want your loved ones to wear clothes like these. I think you'll be surprised at the answer. Anyway, Matt lamely asks Connie to the prom, and at first she's against it because she doesn't have a dress or shoes or anything, but finally Matt convinces her by saying that he has "a sister and a mom, and [he's] sure they can put something together." Yes, by virtue of being women, Annie, Mary, and Lucy are instantly endowed with the skills it takes to fashion a homemade prom dress in one afternoon. What a wonderful world the Camdens live in. Unless you're female.

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