7th Heaven
Lip Service

Episode Report Card
admin: C- | 2 USERS: C+
Lip Service

Usually I tape this show on a Canadian network so I can get it a day early (yeah, I know -- I'm a glutton for punishment), but this week I forgot. Or maybe my subconscious was trying to do me a favor or something. Anyway, having to catch the show in its regular Monday night timeslot made me realize just what I've been missing out on: namely, those dreadful, dreadful promos. You know, the ones with the deep-voiced announcer who makes every episode sound like it's going to be important and life-altering, instead of the inevitable crapfest that makes me want to throw heavy objects at my television. Well, this week Mr. Announcer informs us that Dopey is planning to convert to Judaism. He adds, "[Matt's] conversion will be something his father can't accept." Yo, big surprise there. The promo producers back up this argument by giving us a shot of RevCam telling his son, "You're not Jewish!" The next shot is of Dopey turning away in disappointment, as though this is news to him somehow. Go, Dopey! Folks, I predict this is going to be a very, very long episode.

The opening scene already feels about three or four centuries long, as I have to listen to Dopey's bride whine on and on about how she doesn't want to attend the big meet 'n' greet with their respective families this evening. Matt uses this opportunity to attempt to coerce her into revealing their secret marriage to their families so that they can act married. He leeringly adds that that would make him much more "relaxed." Oh, great -- now I'm thinking about Dopey's sex life. Thanks a lot, Brenda. Mrs. "Plot Contrivance" Dopey brushes off this suggestion, since I suppose the writers haven't finished beating the life out of the puerile secret marriage plot yet. PC expositions that this big dinner is to take place at her parents' house, and that it is a Sabbath dinner.

Once the exposition's out of the way, Annie and Ruthie are free to enter the kitchen with a bunch of groceries. Apparently, Annie's gone psycho again, as she berates Ruthie for not reminding her to pick up chicken fat for the kugel she's planning to make. Ruthie rolls her eyes and says, "Oy vey." Hey, Ruthie? Shut up.

Today's Opening Credits Timewaster involves Annie making a lot of funny faces while cooking. She's reading from a cookbook called Mrs. Kaplan's Guide to Jewish Cooking, and the background music is vaguely middle-eastern-sounding. That's a thoughtful touch, Brenda. SuperMom seems utterly confused by the extremely difficult process of making kugel. I'm not sure how believable that is. Annie's been cooking meals for her huge family for, what, a couple of decades now? And she can't get the hang of putting together ground meat, onions, and noodles, even with a recipe in front of her? I've made a kugel that looked similar to what Annie's cooking, and let me tell you, it's not like making croquembouche.

Ruthie comes into the kitchen and is enlisted to try out some of Annie's kasha varnishkes. Ruthie forces herself to try it, and she's even marginally polite about it, but she refuses to try the kugel. Oh, come on, Ruthie, it's not like someone's forcing you to eat bull testicles. These foods are really not so exotic. Annie says that she's cooking Jewish food to take to the Glasses' house for Shabbat dinner. After explaining that Shabbat is Hebrew for Sabbath, she says that she's "never cooked this type of food before." Between the two of them, Annie and Ruthie make it sound like this is the weirdest cuisine ever. As members of a culture that considers Slim Jims and Twinkies to be "food," I'm not sure how much their opinion on this is worth anyway. What I want to know, though, is why Annie is bringing food. Since she's not even sure whether she'll actually bring these dishes to dinner, it doesn't sound like she ever asked Mrs. Glass if she should bring anything. I know I'd be annoyed if someone brought food to one of my dinner parties without asking. I'd feel compelled to serve it, even if it didn't go with anything I've prepared, or if I'd already prepared something identical. Plus, it seems kind of insulting to bring parts of the actual meal, as if you don't trust your hostess to prepare them properly herself. Why can't Annie just bring flowers, like a normal guest would?

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7th Heaven




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