Pam and Asslee enter…some building, and Asslee gets a call on her cell phone. It's Simon, live from his dorm room! And he's got a normal hair color, a much better haircut, smaller eyebrows, and some chin hair that may not be the best idea, but I'll let it go. Oh, and he's coming home to Glenoak for the summer. And he knows about Asslee and Martin, and that Martin will be living in the same house as him. And he doesn't want there to be any weirdness -- he's happy for Asslee for moving on, especially now that he's discovered college girls and how easy they are. Or college boys, depending on your theory about Simon's sexuality. I have no such theory because…just, no. Anyway, Simon will be "driving down" tomorrow. Wait, when did he get a car? Shouldn't he be taking the bus?

Carlos is on the phone, and he's freaking out. Mary's in labor -- real labor this time. Although you wouldn't know it because, even though they have a portable phone, Carlos is choosing to call what appears to be the emergency room from a different room than wherever Mary is. And even though she's in "a lot of pain," she isn't making so much as a peep about it. Carlos thinks there's something wrong, and is instructed to call 911. He does so, and we dissolve to a "to be continued…" Oh, the suspense.