7th Heaven
Little White Lies, Part I

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | Grade It Now!
Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Chandler and Kendull discuss Jeffrey's education. Turns out Jeffrey's "gifted," and he gets bad grades because he's bored. Hmm…maybe I should have someone check over that math Kendull did earlier in the recap, since the girl is obviously dumb as a rock. Not even a rock -- a pebble. That had a complete lobotomy. Kendull says she'll work with Jeffrey and the school over the summer to try to figure out a game plan. Chandler says he really appreciates this. Kendull says that Jeffrey is a "great kid" and she really likes him. Oh, I see what happened here: Kendull accidentally talked to a totally different child that she mistook for Jeffrey. Chandler's all, "Yeah, yeah, Jeffrey's great…you want him? Seriously, I'll sell him to you for ten bucks. Okay, five, but that's as low as I'll go. No, that's a lie; I'll actually give you ten bucks if you take him off my hands. Randy Spelling? I've got some new papers for you to draw up!" Actually, he invites everyone to dinner. Kendull turns the invitation down, saying she has a date. And here he is now; it's Kendull's boyfriend Sean. And he looks like a fatter, balder, older Matt LeBlanc. Sean and Kendull take off, leaving Chandler with Jeffrey, who demonstrates his newfound intelligence to all by singing: "Kendull and Chandler, sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G." Chandler growls and attempts to strangle him. Do it, Chandler. DO IT.

Pam and Asslee enter…some building, and Asslee gets a call on her cell phone. It's Simon, live from his dorm room! And he's got a normal hair color, a much better haircut, smaller eyebrows, and some chin hair that may not be the best idea, but I'll let it go. Oh, and he's coming home to Glenoak for the summer. And he knows about Asslee and Martin, and that Martin will be living in the same house as him. And he doesn't want there to be any weirdness -- he's happy for Asslee for moving on, especially now that he's discovered college girls and how easy they are. Or college boys, depending on your theory about Simon's sexuality. I have no such theory because…just, no. Anyway, Simon will be "driving down" tomorrow. Wait, when did he get a car? Shouldn't he be taking the bus?

Carlos is on the phone, and he's freaking out. Mary's in labor -- real labor this time. Although you wouldn't know it because, even though they have a portable phone, Carlos is choosing to call what appears to be the emergency room from a different room than wherever Mary is. And even though she's in "a lot of pain," she isn't making so much as a peep about it. Carlos thinks there's something wrong, and is instructed to call 911. He does so, and we dissolve to a "to be continued…" Oh, the suspense.

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7th Heaven




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