Establishing shot of the CamPound. Three old-fashioned-looking bikes are hanging out by the front porch. First of all, I hope they get stolen, because that's what you get for not locking your bike up and taking care of your personal property. Second of all, whose bikes are they, anyway? If two of them belong to Ruthie and Peter, who, then, does the third belong to? Asslee has a car, and the twins are too little for those bikes and they don't ever go outside anyway. It could be Martin's, but I doubt it. I think he, raised in a military home, would always put his bike away. Maybe Annie's taken up a new exercise regimen. It's about time.
For our Opening Credits Timewaster, we get to watch Annie and the twins wash dishes in the CamKitchen. Sam manages to take two bowls off a table and bring them to Annie without breaking either one, which is more than I can say for his sister. Because there are, like, seven million guest stars in this episode, the OCT goes on for about a half hour. And I have no problem with that. Eventually, RevCam comes in and starts complaining about having to work or something. SamVid look up, their faces covered in soap suds, and make a plea for attention from their father. It is rebuffed; RevCam tells them to go upstairs and make Ruthie clean their faces. Sam argues that they can clean their own faces. "Yeah, we're not babies," Vid says. And yet, I seem to recall that last time those two cleaned themselves up, a toilet was involved. Ruthie comes in from walking Happy and gets assigned to cleaning up her brothers. Before she goes, RevCam apologizes for being on the phone last night, and asks her what she wanted to talk to him about. Ruthie says they can discuss it later. I am so curious: WHAT could Ruthie be HIDING??? Sorry; I thought if I typed that out enthusiastically enough, I might be able to trick myself into caring.
Martin comes downstairs, only to have to listen to RevCam stumble over his words as he asks Martin where he's going (school) and if he'll see Asslee there (most likely). RevCam says that Martin has been spending a lot of time with Asslee lately; Martin's all, "Yeah, she's my girlfriend." RevCam tries to spit a word out, but doesn't, so Martin says "whatever," tells them that he'll be home after baseball practice, and takes off. Before he's even out the door, RevCam is talking about him with Annie, and how he thinks Martin and Asslee's relationship is "headed in a direction that neither one of them is prepared for." Hey, RevCam, maybe if you hadn't been so permissive in letting those two hang out with so little supervision, this wouldn't have happened. What're you gonna do now? You can't just take rights away that you've already given out. Meanwhile, maybe you should think about laying the law down on Ruthie and Peter before you start having these impure thoughts about what they're doing. Because in almost any other universe, a couple that spends that much time together -- and has sleepover parties -- would have had sex by now, or at least done something that thirteen-/fourteen-year-olds really shouldn't be doing. Annie asks RevCam to say that again "in English," like, duh, Annie. Come on now. RevCam says, in his very gravest tone, that he thinks Martin and Asslee are "gonna have sex. Yep." Annie's mouth drops open in shock just as Ruthie comes back downstairs. She takes one look at her stupefied parents and decides to leave for school. I'll never figure out how Annie and RevCam, of all people, are not able to discuss sex in a mature manner. ["Frankly, I'm not at all convinced that they've sussed out the connection between intercourse and pregnancy yet. Still believing babies come from the stork sort of rules out 'mature' discussion of, well, anything." -- Sars]
Looking like a picture from one of those K-Mart circulars, Kevin and Lucy, both wearing all-white ensembles, talk as Kevin shaves. For those of you keeping score at home, Kevin prefers the non-electric razor. And Lucy still hasn't found a shirt that isn't way too small for her chest. Maybe that's because it's all puffed up with rage: Lucy doesn't understand why Kevin doesn't care that Roxanne is obviously keeping secrets from them. Kevin doesn't want to hear it, and leaves the bathroom before he's even finished shaving.